To Read Or Not To Read...

Today....
Last night my son came to me and stated it was time he read some Shakespeare. He wants to know what all the fuss is about. He also found out that his reading fluency tests at the 11th grade level and he is in the 6th grade. He wants to improve so he is trying to challenge himself.

Well that means I am going to have to read it also so I can answer questions. My first exposure to Shakespeare was when I was thirteen and I must admit it was under duress. I began to really enjoy it but that was almost thirty years ago and my brain is a bit more weary. We'll see how it goes. As a teenager I was a bit of a rebel and an acceptance letter to a school I applied to stated that they looked forward to my presence at their school. I was to be a challenge much like Katherine in "Taming of The Shrew". Perhaps this is the play we will start with.

About 11 years ago......

Literacy is a hot topic for deaf children and one we didn't take lightly. We knew that our son needed to be literate to fully enjoy life. I didn't have any educational back round in this area so it meant I had to do some research. What seemed very obvious is language holds the key. A hearing child must have a native language to access the written form. How were we to give our son access to the written form of English if his native language didn't have a written form? He needed a naturally acquired language first and his only way to acquire language naturally was visually. Yikes!

I can't pretend to have the key but here is a sample of what we did and it seemed to work.

1. ASL. Plain and simple fluency in a naturally acquired language is more than half the battle.

2. We read, we read a lot. Every day we would read to him. We would sign the words and then allow him time to look at the pictures. We would show him the text by pointing then show him the sign. We would often sign right on the book. We would read the same story over and over. I am grateful I may never have to read "Goodnight Moon" again. We would expand on the stories asking questions about the characters and pictures. We would sometimes ask what if questions like "What if there was a cupcake under the bed? Would you say goodnight or gobble it up?"


3. We would act out stories we read. His favorite were Billy Goats Gruff and The Three Little Pigs. This seemed to help him understand the structure of the story. There is a beginning , middle and end. This is also a great way for the family to involve a deaf child. I know a mom who has four kids, one is deaf. She was frustrated that the hearing kids were not including her deaf daughter enough in their play. She tried reading a story and having the whole family act it out. Everyone had fun and hear deaf daughter was thrilled.

4. We would draw pictures and have him tell a story and then we would dictate what he said under the picture. He liked to give the pictures to people and "read" them the stories.

5. We pointed out text everywhere. For example if I was reading a poster I would sign along as I read. I would read labels at the store while signing and menus at restaurants.

6. Finger spell. One of his first signs was ELMO

7. Make grocery lists and draw pictures of the items. We would have him find the items and put them in the basket.

8. I made a book with pictures of everything we did. One page might be grandma's house or items we used a lot like sink. I would label the pictures. We used this to show him where we were going or what we were doing.

9. I am a wee bit embarrassed to admit I labeled the house. My husband thought is was funny when we had guests over and they sat on a CHAIR at the TABLE.


So this is some of the stuff we did when he was little. It was not boot camp but tools we would use. We didn't ever force him. If he didn't want to read no big deal. We allowed him to set the pace. If it wasn't fun we didn't do it. Most of these ideas came from workshops, parents and teachers. I wish it would of just been all in one place.

The Best Of Both Worlds

Today was really exciting so I thought it would be a good idea to share one story of how we became a bi-cultural family. It is a bit hard to write this blog at times because for the first three years it was like a roller coaster. For the most part it was really fun and exciting but there was a lot of frustration with the professionals. Our life now is pretty stress free when it comes "deaf" issues. In fact many deaf friends told me not to worry about him back then. They told me he would be fine because we were doing the right thing. I was still stressed because I could see if the schools would just do a few simple things I knew he would be fine. More on that later today is a wonderful day.

About 11 years ago......

Our deaf babysitter was fantastic. She was very open to helping us meet people in the community. When Hayden was just about 12 months she invited us to a child's birthday party. The parents were deaf as was their child. Of course we said yes but I am embarrassed to admit we where terrified. The only reason we were invited is because of our son. We didn't know anyone other than our friend and our signing was still awkward. When we arrived we sat on the floor of their apt. We didn't know what to do. Everyone was having fun. The adults were all engaged in animated conversations which were so fast I had no idea what they were talking about.

Soon folks started introducing themselves and we relaxed. They signed slower with us and made us feel so welcome. What stuck me the most is several of them took the time to share their stories and back round. This was a private party with friends and they took time away from it to encourage us and make us feel comfortable. On of the families had a son the same age as mine. 4 1/2 years later when we moved out of state we met that family again. They had moved to the same town and to this day the two boys are best friends. My son is Deaf and his friend is a CODA.

I wonder if hearing people in general would do the same thing for a deaf couple with a hearing child at a party?

Today.....

So my son has been invited to all three call backs for a play at school. The last one was last night and the director asked to speak with me when they were done. At this point there were just high school kids and my son who is a sixth grader left. I thought she wanted to ask me something about deafness but she didn't. She said she really wanted to cast him but they never cast sixth graders because of the rehearsal and training schedule. She asked if I thought he could manage the play and school. I told her he is a really hard worker when it comes to acting. I am so proud of him! He found out this morning when it was posted on the theater Call Board that he was a cast member. It is 2 weeks into school and he knocks one out of the park.

He told me he got the part when I picked him up from school. He is really excited and can't wait to start. We were headed to his old school, which is a deaf school for home coming but first we stopped at home to get a snack.

My son was attacked by a squirrel.

He was walking to the front door and I was a few steps behind with my daughter trailing behind me looking at her fairy house off to the side of the walkway. He began to walk up the steps and let out a blood curdling scream and threw his backpack. Something flew past me just inches from my head. It was to heavy to be a bird, I screamed and tried to grab for my son. My daughter screamed and ran away from the house. I yelled for my daughter and asked my son what thing was. It was a squirrel. It was on a window in the little arch of our doorway. It freaked out when we arrived and jumped from the window onto my son's back and flew past me. So we took a breath, grabbed a snack and headed to the deaf school.

The really cool thing about a state deaf school is over time it feels like family. Our school is small and connected by generations. I am friends with the staff and children. We hadn't seen many of them since school got out last June but have known them for almost 8 years. It was so much fun to see my son among these old friends. I got a kick out him teaching the kids the cha cha. He had learned this dance the day before at school and really loved it.

I got a chance to catch up with friends and talk to the kids. I met a deaf mom who had a hearing daughter at my son's new school so now there is one connection to the deaf community bridging the two worlds. My daughter also enjoyed seeing her friends and both kids were running freely for 3 hours during the game. Since we all know each other there is a feeling of safety allowing this.

When we got home he caught me up on the kid's gossip and news. He didn't show any interest in going back to school there but he really loved hanging with his peeps. I realize he is growing up and his path right now is in both worlds. He is happier than he has been in a long time. He can pursue his interests and thirst for learning and still be part of the Deaf world.

Careful What You Ask For

About 12 years ago.....

We prepared for our next home visit. At this point we were calm, nervous, excited and afraid. We needed a plan. First we wrote out our ideas of what was important. What did we really want for our child. We did not think about his deafness at this point but rather what did we envision to be a good outcome for any child.

I wanted him to be happy through life. I wanted him to wake up everyday excited to go out and live.

I wanted him to look in the mirror and see someone he really liked.

I wanted to be sure he had the tools and confidence to try anything and work hard in the process.

I wanted a child who lived with grace. who loved diversity and was willing to at least see all sides.

I wanted a child who was strong enough to help others and himself.

I wished for him to be a life long learner and see the beauty in the written word.

I wanted him to know what love was, to find happiness with a partner .

I wanted him to know the joy of true friendship.

I wanted him to enjoy whatever employment he had.

I wanted to give him the option to live as large as he wanted.

I did not want him to be hindered by fear or self doubt.

I wanted him to feel safe and loved at home.

My husband had the same vision. It was really important to start every thought with I, it had to be about my needs and desires so I could push through and know our decisions were about him and not our own weakness.

We drafted up a list of services we wanted. We had decided to focus on a native language he could acquire it naturally, the only option was ASL. We could use ASL to make sure he got a blue print for grammar and structure of language. We would voice off when he was in the room and feed him as much incidental information as possible. we would introduce English through print. We would work on his speech. At this point we were torn between T/C and Bi-Bi education options so we needed more info on both. Here is what we asked for at the second meeting,

1. We wanted to meet as many deaf people as we could. So information about deaf events and any help finding deaf people of all backgrounds. We wanted to interview them.

2. We needed a deaf mentor. We wanted someone with the same hearing lose who did not depend on speech and was fluent in ASL. We wanted someone to take us to restaurants, markets and anywhere our son might go so we could learn how he would navigate the world if his speech didn't become a mode of communication.

3. Our friends wanted to learn to sign but couldn't manage a sign class. We asked for a private teacher to come to our home once a week for sign brunch. This was a class we hosted in our living room. I cooked a huge brunch to entice folks to come.

4. They told me the had a resource library and I had a long list of academic articles and books I wanted to read.

5. We wanted to visit the local school options.

What was so frustrating was we knew what we wanted but everyone moves so slow

tick tock

She would explore ways for us to meet deaf people.

tic toc

She would ask about a mentor and sign teacher but people don't ask for that

tic

toc

The library is so messy, she didn't know if they had the materials I requested

tic

She would arrange for some visits to school programs

toc

Today......

I look back at all of my mistakes as a parent and from time to time chuckle. If I could do it all over again I would teach my son to tie shoelaces before the age of nine. At his third grade IEP the teacher told me he couldn't tell time on a clock with hands....oh crap! He could tell you about the birth laws in China but had no idea what time it was. I was so freaked out that because we had set the stage so carefully for him to have a typical childhood we forgot to teach him 2 really typical life skills. He had velcro shoes and a digatal clock.

Hee hee, he can tie his shoes and tell time now.

Welcome to Holland- and why we never landed there

About 12 years ago...

When we found out my son was deaf I was in a pool of grief for 3 days. The person I thought he was didn't exist. I had never meet a deaf person and now I was meeting one for the first time. I was terrified . As the days went by I read enough to move away from the sadness. I came across "Welcome to Holland". If you have a deaf child you know what this is. It felt like this women knew exactly how I felt. I had planned to go to Italy and the country I landed in was not the same as my friends. This women's words gave me comfort. We had landed in Holland.

What I didn't realize is we had landed somewhere more exciting. I am sure Holland is nice but our country is amazing. We landed in a place that would change all of us forever. It is not slower paced than Italy and much more flashy. The pain went away and we forgot our dream of Italy very quickly. Our country is more like India, it has famine and disease. It has oppression and ignorance but with that it has beauty, brilliance.

If you travel a lot you begin to realize the only way to know a country is to befriend the locals. They can be your guide to the riches of there culture which makes the country beautiful. They can help you avoid the famine by sharing there food at first and helping you learn to grow your own. They can fortify you to avoid disease and teach you their art. We landed in India and never looked back.

We sent postcards to our friends in Italy and Holland. The friends in Holland where curious about India and often wanted to visit but for the most part were to afraid. They felt safe with the windmills. They admired the Rembrandt's they could never hang in their homes. Our friends in Italy were more adventurous they visited often, learned our ways and shared theirs.

Five years later when his sister was born we landed in Italy! We had dual citizenship and she showed us the culture of this new country with ease. They were very different but very much the same. We enjoyed our bi-lingual bi-cultural tribe.

Today......

Life in India and Italy is very busy. My daughter is in Spanish immersion so she is tri-lingual. She grew up active in the local deaf school coming with me when I volunteered teaching cooking, art and acting to the elementary children. She came with me when I taught ASL to children and their parents. She was cast in plays along with the deaf children. She fights back fingers flying when her brother picks on her and shares giggles with him in the back seat on long journeys.

India has been exciting and exhausting. It is hard to convince people that it is the right country for use but after years of struggle and joy we are very comfortable here. We realize we don't need to convince anyone because he does it naturally. We don't have time to compare notes with our friends from Holland because India is to fast and flashy. I am sure Holland is nice but we don't have time to visit.