In Defense Of The Arts

I love this picture. It was taken while my son was goofing off before curtain a little over a year ago. I love how comfortable he is in his skin.

He was the only deaf kid in the play which had a lot of improv. He was a principal and the only middle school kid cast as such. This experience was natural for him, like a second skin. He was completely joyful. For him it is about the work or the moment. He becomes a character. Once he is finished he becomes a bit shy of the attention he receives, his hands go into his pockets, head slightly down and he issues a nod a thank you to praise.  He is modest about his work. This picture shows his passion for just being himself with freedom. He doesn't need the praise.

The reason I bring this up is every time my son learns from theater he gains more self confidence. He learns the trick of managing the nerves of public speaking or assertive self advocating. By studying character he learns how others think and uses that information to develop empathy and strategies to negotiate this world which could potentially judge him at every turn. He can memorize his lines after two readings of a script.... hmm ..... literacy....

I guess my point is every deaf kid (or hearing in my opinion) benefits from the arts on many levels. I notice in our area we focus on raising test scores and art is left behind sometimes in general education. Art is a valuable resource. I have never met a deaf kid who didn't benefit from it.

What Is Real?

I monitor my son's Facebook. To be honest I don't do it often. His friends are kids from his arts magnet  school and a couple of teachers. The posts are often creative and rarely worth worrying about . The fact that his friends are hearing and he is deaf doesn't matter online. He can express himself directly. I often feel his meaning in direct conversation is changed because of the communication barrier with his peers. If not changed maybe watered down. I could be wrong. With the power of written English he is free. He can join the casual chatting of typical hearing kids.  Here is an example of his freedom with the written word,

A girl posts- "Sometimes I wonder what's real and what's fake... I hope I find out sooner than later."


This is followed by really cool and sweet comments.


Then my Deaf son posts- " What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."


Yep, I am not really worried about Facebook. This is a place where my son can by heard loud and clear. 

Stelly

Stelly
Originally uploaded by haddy2dogs

The sister of my son. I will be posting about my daughter to better explain our family. May I introduce my daughter. She is trilingual, likes fairies, bugs and spy gear. She lost a tooth last week and lost it in Target. The photo is a self portrait.

Deaf/hearing is her normal. It is just what we are.

We Didn't Order This..

About 10 years ago.......

So we had been handed a menu of options to chose from that would help us become parents of a deaf child. We were told we could ask for anything.

It was like going to a diner and they hand you a giant menu with flashy pictures of all the delicious culinary delights they offer. Giant ham sandwiches with piles of cheese melted on sourdough bread, biscuits and gravy with a stack of bacon, three patty cheeseburgers and deep fried chicken. There are pages of options but you are looking for a nice healthy salad with a splash of olive oil.

You request this and are told the chef will try. An hour later a ham sandwich arrives. You send it back politely. Then a tuna salad arrives, you send it back explaining you realize it is a salad but you are allergic to tuna and asked for a green salad. You ask to speak to the chef.

The chef arrives 30 minutes later and tells you he can't open the cooler with the veggies. You ask who has the key? That would be the manager. You ask to speak to the manager and they send out the assistant who tells you he needs to research the location of the key and they have never served vegetables before.

At this point you are starving and getting grouchy. You have to maintain your cool because if you show your frustration they will kick you out and there isn't another restaurant for miles. The manager finally arrives and opens the door a crack for the chef. The lights are not working so he grabs some fruit and tosses it on a plate. This is your salad. You eat some of it and go home to just make a green salad yourself.

We thought our requests were pretty simple.

We asked for a deaf mentor. We were told they didn't have any deaf staff to fill the position and it had to be an employee of the school district. They didn't understand why we didn't just use one of our deaf friends.

We asked for the teacher who came for home visits to be deaf. Again same problem.

We asked that the home center class use ASL. They told us that the other families needed the service as provided. I asked for a new class to be set up. They would look into it. I told them my son needed and interpreter while we waited. The sent a pregnant staff member who walked in the room and said,

" I have no idea what you expect me to do and my legs are swollen"

" Interpret everything that is said so my son can see"

" He is too little to pay attention"

"That is not the issue"

She was frustrated and confused and tired from being pregnant so she needed to sit on the floor. She didn't interpret the class.

That is just a sample of some of the issues we had.

Today......

For the last 11 years we have been grateful for his education. The only thing is it was always just off. Except for a 1 1/2 years of preschool in L.A. we have always been fighting for something. The last fight was an ASL curriculum at the deaf school. They got a new Principal last year and guess what? He convinced the board that the school should go bi-bi! Too late for us but I am so happy for the kids.

This is the first school year where we can relax. More about that later I need to go watch my son's dance class at school.

This thing is so old fashioned GA

About 10 years ago......

I had cause to think back about technology. When we were fighting for services with the school district we had an advocate who was deaf. He was so calm and strong. One of the things he told us was that it was a great time to grow up deaf. I wasn't really sure what he meant because it felt like educators were still in the dark ages.

One area we were grateful for was technology. We had a TTY to communicate with our deaf friends. A light would flash when the phone rang so my son would know what was going on when mom or dad would run fast to get the phone. Imagine how strange it would be if he saw use engaged in an activity and then suddenly springing up tossing pillows on the couch frantically only to garb a plastic thing and start flapping our mouths into it.

Another device we found useful was the door flasher. Before we got it her would go check the front door from time to time. I guess he thought that was a magical way to summon visitors. It worked for mom and dad. They would just walk to the door, open it and a friend would appear.

Relay was helpful but it was startling to hear my 20 year old female babysitter through the voice of a 50 year old smoking operator.

Times were better but still really a lot of challenges would arise. Once we invited a deaf friend for dinner. We offered to pick her up but she declined and chose to take the bus. She got lost. She had to find a clerk at a store and get him to call for help. He had a heavy accent so the whole exchange was confusing. After a long conversation we located her and picked her up. It was 2 hours past the planned time.

All of this technology was great but we had no idea how fast it would change a few years down the road.

Today....... or the social crisis of mainstream middle school

My son has a phone. We got it last year so he could text us. He has VP, Internet with Skype. We found an attachment for his lights with a remote switch so we could let him know to come without having to invade his privacy. He no longer depends on hearing people as a conduit for communication. access

When his was little several hearing teachers told me to realize that although he was doing so well when he got older it would be very difficult for him to enter the hearing world. I was told stories of deaf kids being bullied and not doing well in mainstream schools socially. My husband and I decided direct instruction in ASL and social peers were the route to go. Nothing prepared me for the crisis we are going through now. I was so shocked I hadn't considered this might happen so I hope I am handling it well. This year he is mainstreamed full time in a public school. He is the only deaf child in the entire school ranging 6th-12th grade. Here is what happened,

Last night I went downstairs to see what he was doing on the computer. He usually likes to do research or play games. He is more of a reader though so I never worry. As I turned the corner to view the monitor this is what I saw. (If you have a heart condition you may wish to stop reading at this point.)

My son was texting on his phone, chatting on VP and having multiply chats online all at the same time..... the only deaf person involved was on the VP. The other kids were from his new school. I am sure you understand my shock. I would now have to limit his computer and texting! He has become a social butterfly and I didn't see the warning signs.

For weeks I have been finding kids phone numbers in his pockets. When I go to his school he is always late coming to meet me. Kids will hang out with me to wait for him to come out. He is always chatting to us about school and his friends. His phone goes off during dinner and worse during family time and homework!

We traded phones yesterday and while I was sitting at work with my students at lunch my phone went off. No one texts me so I was shocked to hear the loud jazz music coming from my pocket. I quickly ran to the next room to see if it was my son. No it was a number I didn't recognize. It said, "hi" I responded, "who is this?" . I went and sat down again and it started going nuts. There was a jazz concert in my pocket. Turns out it was lunch at his school and a bunch of his friends were texting him to hang out.

So we are navigating the world of pre teens and technology and have to figure out a plan fast. We will set some limits tonight but for one day we sat back and let him jump in.

The great thing about kids these days is they take ASL at school. Hayden has no problem talking with those kids that do. The other great thing is technology. They no longer sit for hours on the phone. He can join in the fun without any boundary.

SKSK

Time To Get Schooled

About 11 years ago......

We began to slowly get connected to people. Sometimes through Early Intervention and sometimes by chance. Out in public we signed voice off to each other and we often were approached by people who signed deaf and hearing. These encounters were always positive and sometimes funny. People who didn't approve of us would sometimes make loud comments about that poor child. That really only happened a few times.

When he was about 14 months I was chasing him around the kids section of a books and he was asking me something. A man walked up and asked if I was deaf. It always started with that question which startled me because I didn't think I was fluent enough to look deaf. Turns out he was a preschool teacher at a deaf charter school. He was also deaf. We had a great talk and one lesson he taught me was to sign everything no matter how insignificant it seemed. If I asked my husband where the keys are sign it, if I said thank you to the grocery clerk sign it. It was so obvious but I hadn't thought to do that. I am sure strangers thought I was crazy signing everything as they talked to me not knowing my baby was deaf. I rarely mentioned that fact because it cracked me up to watch them politely try not and glance at my hands. That man later became one of my son's first teachers. He was also one of his best.

Our caseworker told us about the classes for children 0-3 at the local schools. There we could meet other families, learn more sign and parenting instruction! The one nearest to our home school was in South Central at a deaf day school. All I heard was deaf school and told her to sign us up. I was working so my husband took him. He told me there were several families most spoke Spanish. The staff consisted of a lead teacher, hearing, support staff , one hearing bi-lingual Spanish and English and one hh.

He said it was fine but they wanted all of the kids to wear FM systems the whole time. The kids sat for a story for about 10 minutes but other than that they played. My husband was curious about what they were hearing so he wore it while the kids were playing. He heard about someones husband, toilet flushing and odd enough what sounded like a fax. Hayden hated wearing it and I thought it was not being used properly so I told the teacher. She treated me like I was this poor pathetic mama in denial. I remember having a struggle from her but then oddly enough all the FM systems were eventually removed.

Then it was my hiatus so I could go. We entered the room and I introduced myself. The teacher seemed nice but on guard. Children were engaged at different activities and my son quickly joined in. I noticed people were not signing. They only signed when talking to a child.

I was so excited to connect with the other parents. I asked the Spanish speaking aide to help me. I met some moms who seemed startled that I was talking to them. Looking back I was maybe a bit too excited.

The lead teacher gathered the children for story time. She pulled out a book and proceeded to simcom the story. It wasn't even simcom really because if I were translate her signs it dropped a lot. The story really didn't make sense. Some of the children got squirrely ( I imagine the ones who had a profound hearing lose would find this boring) and she seemed irritated.

After story the children went outside to play while the parents were given parenting lessons. This is where it gets a bit sticky ............

About 3 years ago...........

My son was up for 3 yr evaluations and an IEP. It was a constant struggle to get the deaf school to provide ASL instruction. Every year I would insist on ASL goals and every year they would try to piece together a curriculum. He had been in school for 4 years and never been taught ASL as a language. By this time it was more political than anything else. As for his other goals, it was more of a formality. I was concerned about his writing because it tends to be a bit ASL but other than that he was doing really well and in some areas above grade level.

At the meeting was the ASL specialist who is deaf and several hearing staff members. The most critical person was this deaf staff member because his ASL goal was my main concern. 10 minutes into the meeting a woman walks in and sits down. Up until that point the meeting was signed with no interpreter because there was no need for one it wasn't requested. I looked at her and asked who she was. She told me she was from the school district and she was there to observe in case Hayden needed to mainstream ( the deaf school was a state school so he wasn't even registered in the system) . I asked if she signed. No. I told her we didn't have an interpreter so she wouldn't understand and Hayden wasn't mainstreamed and I didn't understand why I wasn't told she would be there. She told me it was standard practice. Then something very strange happened.

The other teachers started to scrambled to accommodate her! The first idea was to cover the ASL goal so the deaf teacher could leave. The deaf teacher said that would work. I said NO. She was a very important part of the meeting and this other woman had no reason to be there. She could sit and watch but not at the expense of my son's IEP or the deaf teacher. My son also attends his IEP meetings so this was even more insulting. I stood my ground and suggested she leave and perhaps if we ever needed her services we would contact her. A hearing teacher offered to interpret and she stayed. Looking back I still don't know why she was there.

Today....

My son is so excited at his new school. He has more friends, he joined the ASL club and had his 3rd call back for a play. There are some things that we need to tweak but really it is amazing.