We Never Landed In Holland

Well of course it isn't easy...

2011-09-04T07:57:00.000-07:00

So my last post was about how nice it is to start the school year in a calm fashion. No issues to confront. The school in on board with my Deaf son. Life is good. Mainstream is really working out. My son loves it and is thrilled school starts next week.

So as a formality I contact the person who manages my son's IEP services to find out what his interpreting services will look like. Last year the plan was a team of 2 highly qualified interpreters full time. I email asking about her vacation. Lamenting the brief time we all had to enjoy our summers. Then almost as an after thought I ask the question. What will his interpreting services look like? I push send and go about my busy day.

A few minutes later I response pops into my inbox. There is a flag on the play my friends. Two new kids entered the district needing interpreters. Two interpreters quit. so now the district is short four..... yes.......FOUR interpreters. *oh sorry for shouting*

So we don't know what next year will look like. There is nothing to fight for at the moment. The school district wants my son to have his services. They are interviewing prospects. I can't force folks to apply for the job. One person I was talking to said that maybe someone could volunteer...... yes dear the same way an airline pilot could volunteer to operate on your brain. Not her fault but it is always exhausting talking to people who know nothing about it. It would be worse if that person worked for the school district so I am patient.

So while other parents are shopping for new jeans and #2 pencils I am leaving offerings to the interpreter fairies.

The School Bell Rings

2011-09-02T07:52:00.000-07:00

Next week my son will start his third year as a mainstream student. I can't recall ever starting a year with so much calm. Since the day he was identified there was always something to fight for. There was a service or interpreter issue. There was a teacher to educate or an administrator to address. Things that seemed clear to us were always riddled with red tape and bias. This year we simply picked up his schedule and payed his fees. I woke up this morning and the first thought that came to my mind was what would go wrong?

He got the classes he wanted. We like the teachers he ended up with. What could go wrong? With years of practice under my belt I have learned anything can go wrong. So today I will contact the district to see if the interpreter team is scheduled and qualified. So far that is it. So far it is just a maintenance email to remind the school I am still watching and supportive of my son's education. As I sit here I realize the emails will slowly become his job. We have already shifted a lot of his advocating responsibility to him. Hopefully this year will not focus so much on his right to access but more on his theater and photography classes. This year will hopefully be about getting homework done and not about watching lectures and scrambling to take required notes at the same time. Hopefully this year every movie will be captioned. Hopefully this year we will be able to see what it is like to be typical.

Nothing Clever But Really Cool

2011-05-27T21:57:00.000-07:00

Wednesday was amazing. My son is in an all hearing physical theater company. The cool thing is they don't use their voices but only their bodies. Wednesday they went to the deaf school to showcase their theater form. It was awesome! After the show the director and company answered questions and invited the deaf kids to join the company next year..... this was very well received... next year will be such a great year.

Today my son and I took off for the Oregon Shakespeare Festival in Ashland , Oregon to watch Howie Seago, professional Deaf actor, perform. Howie is a rare bird. The kindest role model ever and Haddy is over the moon excited. We will see and interpreted show and go on an interpreted backstage tour....

Life is good for a Deaf kid.

I see What You Are Saying

2011-05-19T23:17:00.000-07:00

Tonight I was volunteering at my son's school working the back of the house at a dinner show. Last year as the actors would pass me back stage I would notice some were signing with him. Some would come up to me and make attempts. Cool.

One year later as I sit back stage I notice almost the entire cast and crew is signing conversations with me during the play. It seems it is the most natural thing to do!

Awesome

Hold On Mom.....

2011-05-06T19:14:00.000-07:00

"I "forgot" to clean my room and I need to pack my barrel for our adventure in two weeks. I am a teenager so I will selectively notice you when you are signing. For some reason at age thirteen I have all of the answers. "

Dear creatures that came from my body,

Yes, it is my duty to embarass you morning, noon and night. Parenting is a 24 hour job.

I will always love you but not so much the mess in your room.

Warmest regards,

The woman who spent 18 hours in labour

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,

2011-05-05T17:57:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr Shakespeare,

I am sure when the stories were forming in your head being ready to commit to paper the idea that your words would prove the world to be a glorious place for a Deaf kid was not even on your radar. Well if I had the chance I would inform you that your words by chance have shown me the journey we all take is meant to be and if for some reason it is off the beaten path there will be magic and a reason for gratitude.

Gratefully,

Mom of deaf kid trying to get it right

So I posted recently about my son wanting to go to a Shakespeare intensive theatre camp this summer. It was a short blip I tossed online in a moment where I felt helpless. The outcome was..... well..... I am sorry I don't have words.

Haddy has four interpreters lined up to work with him at camp....... he gets to go and feel like a typical kid who happens to want to learn about "The Tempest". The folks who stepped forward to solve this challenge are ..... again ...... no words..... I really don't have the words......

The other outcome was a gift we would have never imagined. So he has written thank you notes and handed them off to me..... I have been sitting here trying to find the words for my side of the notes..... again..... I can't find them.

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,
Spare some words for me.

The Thing About Life

2011-05-03T20:27:00.000-07:00

So I had a crappy day. Yep, really crappy.

Time for my hearing kiddo to go to sleep....

"Mommy, but you need to read to me....."

I do, I start..... I am lousy.....trying, my voice is like a snail on a rock.

My deaf kid takes over.... they have a story that he has made up.... it is a sort of a chronicle about my daughter's life. They tell me it is called "Unibrow!" Uh, this is maybe OK?

So I am sitting here, being grownup, with tons of stuff to figure out and my son is signing the next episode of "Unibrow"

I am grateful for the laughter

"So, Like, I Woke Up And Like"

2011-05-02T10:02:00.000-07:00

Sometimes my daughter and I venture down to the playground next to my son's school and wait for him to walk out. My daughter runs off full of energy to play and I sit and watch.

This is the part I shouldn't share maybe,

Friday I was sitting on the bench signing to my girl because talking is a strain at that distance. There were two kids, the same age as my son, on a tire swing in front of me. A girl and a boy. I think they thought I was deaf.

So the girl was talking so loud I couldn't help but hear every mangled word she vomited into the atmosphere,

"So, like, I like, got this call and like it was a guy wanting to like, sell me a car and like, I was like saying like I am only like, thirteen and like he just kept like, trying and I was so like, freaked out. I really like doughnuts and like, my mom took my dog to the vet and like ....."

This goes non stop four about 4 minutes. She didn't even pause for a breath. Of course being of sound mind I was trying to remember how to do CPR if she happened to just pass out from the sheer energy it took to talk so loud and mangle every thought with "like".

Then she pauses waiting for the boy to respond and he does,

"My Xbox is broken"

This prompts the girl to open her floodgate as she glances toward my kid's school,

"OH MY GOD!!!!! like here comes, like, the art school kids, we should go down there and like yell at them, like in a accent, like, yell something funny like, "hey art school freaks!" Yea that would be funny and like, it would freak them out....." * fill in the blanks this went on for at least two minutes*

They get up and walk away when the art kids got close as though this great plan was really just a way to show their frustration that they were not "art school freaks".

So I sat there feeling like I had been verbally assaulted. The word "like" was swirling around my brain causing a wee bit of mental pain. Then I got to thinking as my son walked over. You see having a deaf kid has perks! I don't have to sit and have a conversation with him holding a Teenspeak dictionary. Of course he is a typical thirteen year old and he drives me nuts but....... I am not assaulted by his language.... he doesn't use his language to fill every space within reach. If he has a thought he frames it in a way to best express it. Sometimes I don't agree but at least I understand him.

My next thought? Is my hearing daughter going adopt the teen code that will surely give me a headache?

Remember The Time....

2011-04-27T04:44:00.000-07:00

My family has been sick for days..... the icky fever kinda sick..... the thing about a fever is it sends you to a place we call LALA land. This is a true story....

When my son was about 18 months I was a partner in an art gallery. It was awesome!!! So one day while I was at work on a soul sucking TV show somewhere in the remote regions of LA my husband walked my son down to my gallery to write and handle the shop while I worked.

My son starts to puke.... uh ... then he turns white........ my hubby calls 911.... he walked so no car for the transport to the doctor and Haddy was really sick.....

I get a call that my family is stuck at the hospital on a Hollywood blvd... my son is naked and ..... they need a ride home. I am at some random location that I arrived at by following a map at 3am.

My husband calls for a taxi. At this point we know Haddy is naked because of the puking and invasive hospital stuff.

A taxi arrives.... my husband notices there is no car seat for naked Haddy.

"Don't worry, use the armrest"

A quick phone chain frees an executive from a show shooting close by who buys a car seat and transports my family home.

OK, so at this point I should of decided to move.... nope... waited a couple of years

There are folks in life I wish I knew- Alan Champion

2011-04-25T09:58:00.000-07:00

I don't have many words for this but he is a person I wish we had known. My words are lost because how does one express celebration for a stranger who feels like a friend?

My son has sat through so many shows ..... trust me........ this man was a true talent....

.http://www.nytimes.com/2011/04/25/theater/alan-champion-sign-language-interpreter-for-theater-dies-at-55.html

That Really Humble Moment

2011-04-21T20:51:00.000-07:00

Not even really sure what to say.....

I have learned over the last 13 years that even when I feel like a two year old kicking and screaming the community we stumbled into will show a side of humanity that stills cares for the children, the folks who need a voice, the mamas who just need a map and the friends we find along the way.

From a very young age I have refused to ask for help. Somehow I think I have branded my eldest with this trait. Tonight my son and I had a really cool conversation.

So first to quote my son, "Mom, really? Another hippie thought? .....Wait... what? What? I am going to have theater interpreters?? Larry? No? huh? Mom what did you do??? I am confused...Oh..

*mama explains in detail*

" mom I can't take that"

Sometimes it is not help but community.

thoughtful pause, thinking hippie mama and deaf son.

Deaf son at a later time " oh, by the way, I think they are doing "A Midsummer's Night Dream" next year at school!!!!! " *turns out thirteen is the age of random multitasking thinking.......*

and second that hippie quote he was referring to,

Speechless and grateful for the gift of his community.

I remember..... I will never get mad... I will make the world change for me....

2011-04-21T13:35:00.000-07:00

So about a million years ago,
I was born.
Nothing special, a white kid with a super pretty home.
Or maybe I just imagined it was,
Ever go back and see how small?
Later.......I found out my dad was super cool... he was an artist.
Me too?
Later I found out that was wrong because we need to manage our finances..

My kid...... ?
OK-
Get your act together ! ........

No
Your act
Is fine

Mom will manage,
I will still embarrass you with my corny jokes,
My talking with your friends,
But you will manage on your own,
Laughing with me,
We have that.

By the time you read this
It will be so easy

Love,
Mom

A letter to my son before I get sick like my mom

Local Folks Check This Out!

2011-04-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

See What I'm Saying

This is where my family will be Wednesday night! Hmm... great timing.......

Changed My Mind

2011-04-17T16:35:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I want to kick and scream like a two year old.

Yep, at 44 years old I really do....

Uh... Yea the Deaf kid...

2011-04-16T18:56:00.000-07:00

OK, so Haddy wants to apply for Summer Intensive Theater Camp at VSAA. Great! Only one problem,

This camp is for VSAA students who are focused in theater. Yep, Haddy is.... but he is deaf. The teachers are providing this privately. That means ADA doesn't apply. That means that in order for him to participate if he is accepted he needs theater interpreters. He needs volunteers, qualified with a background in theater, folks who can handle Shakespeare.

Our family can't afford to hire them, ASL students can't do this.

So what does a mama do? Sorry kiddo you are too Deaf to join? I can come and try but I need a team or a partner for theater. I am feeling a bit sad. like maybe I am not doing this right. How do I tell my kid I can't figure this out?

Funny the picture for the flyer is of my Deaf kid. He is the commercial for camp and I know the teacher wants him there maybe. I don't know, I really don't.

Blech! Sometimes I feel helpless....

Huh

2011-04-15T09:45:00.000-07:00

So my son tells me the ASL students at school have started telling him he is making mistakes with his signing. They are learning some different signs then he uses. Now what is interesting to me is when I was first learning I was told that you go with what the deaf person uses. I am also often told by Deaf people his signing is beautiful. They are often shocked by his fluency. Granted he wants to take ASL at the college level to polish his native language but it seems odd beginning students would feel the need to "correct" him.

I have a feeling the hearing ASL teacher is either using a different dialect than my son's or dated text book signs. I am also curious if the text book they use was published on the West coast.

Mty son is a native signer. He has a blended southern California/ Northwest dialect. For example the slang he uses is from years at the state deaf school and the deaf school in Los Angeles. Often the older kids come up with the slang so it can be regional. They ASL students are not taught slang.

My son also will sign some things the way he learned from the deaf community in LA because he likes it better. Signs like strawberry and cheat. This doesn't mean he is wrong.

This is not a big deal but I am just curious how much deaf culture the students are learning along with the language.

Where do I Start? Scream Therapy?

2011-04-14T21:06:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile since I have posted. Life does that to people. It sweeps them away on different tangents sometimes floating far from where we start. Leaving us to swim back and get anchored. I have a few thoughts, not all very interesting, and I guess I will just vomit them out. Deaf stuff, mama stuff and if I have the energy a recipe (well maybe not a cooking class tonight)

Scream Therapy

I found myself a wee bit stressed out with my mom suffering from dementia, long story. I found myself suffering from panic attacks. Of course the first time this happened I assumed it was a heart attack and privately said my farewells. Well poo, just garden variety panic attacks.

Turns out thrill rides are a great cure for folks like me who don't want to partake in the medication route. I decided on a Tuesday to fly out on the Thursday of the same week for Disneyland. Yep, two days to pull it together. You see the only choice I felt I had was to get far away and do something that required not a single brain cell and omitted any driving from the schedule.

IT WORKED!

Space Mountain is my new Xanax. As much as I feel like screaming up and down my street at home I am sure it would be met with visits from the police or at least gentle first responders with straight jackets. On a thrill ride it is expected you will scream your ass off. Your body must release something because after the ride I felt like a new woman!

That Asshole Kid At The Pool

OK so this is a hot topic. The BULLY. Haddy was only approached by a kid like this once when he was four. So at the Disneyland hotel we were at the pool feeling relaxed and groovy. Two older girls did the typical notice the deaf kid thing and tried to practice the few signs they knew behind a rock. That is cool and cute.

Next I see a kid around ten years old mocking Haddy. She is whispering into her friend's ear making fake signs that are pretending he is "delayed". Yea, they used the "r" word. They thought I was deaf so it was easy to stand next to them and listen. They kept at it then enlisted the help of a boy to tease Haddy.

I could of let him handle it. He is really clever and can disarm an idiot with his hands tied but just this once, fully relaxed from scream therapy, I let it fly.

I leaned down to eye level and said,

"You know if you keep staring really hard, he will turn GREEN * whisper * Yep, it is a deaf thing"

The adults who were sitting close by watching the little bully kids laughed.... thumbs up they show me..... the bully kids were embarrassed that everyone was laughing at them. Not so cool to plan a sneak attack on a kid when every adult around you is laughing at you.

Haddy was mad I stepped in. He doesn't get bullied an I suspect he wanted to do the honors.

He forgave me since he can't help coming from my body and I am a pretty OK mom.

I gathered my kids to go search for a ride we had yet to discover and scream with my favorite people.

In Defense Of The Arts

2011-03-18T10:22:00.000-07:00

I love this picture. It was taken while my son was goofing off before curtain a little over a year ago. I love how comfortable he is in his skin.

He was the only deaf kid in the play which had a lot of improv. He was a principal and the only middle school kid cast as such. This experience was natural for him, like a second skin. He was completely joyful. For him it is about the work or the moment. He becomes a character. Once he is finished he becomes a bit shy of the attention he receives, his hands go into his pockets, head slightly down and he issues a nod a thank you to praise. He is modest about his work. This picture shows his passion for just being himself with freedom. He doesn't need the praise.

The reason I bring this up is every time my son learns from theater he gains more self confidence. He learns the trick of managing the nerves of public speaking or assertive self advocating. By studying character he learns how others think and uses that information to develop empathy and strategies to negotiate this world which could potentially judge him at every turn. He can memorize his lines after two readings of a script.... hmm ..... literacy....

I guess my point is every deaf kid (or hearing in my opinion) benefits from the arts on many levels. I notice in our area we focus on raising test scores and art is left behind sometimes in general education. Art is a valuable resource. I have never met a deaf kid who didn't benefit from it.

No Words From Me

2011-03-15T19:35:00.000-07:00

I have very few words to describe this.

This is so crazy.... Haddy wants to learn Spanish. He has been studying the written form independently. He just does this kind of thing.

He wants to help Stelly with her homework and realizes some of it is spoken. They are so close but do not share this one language. She is in Spanish immersion. He finds an app on his phone that translates his text to spoken Spanish..I am sitting here resisting the urge to go down and help them. I don't need to....

I really don't need to....

A Walk Down Memory Lane

2011-03-11T20:53:00.000-08:00

Today was weird. Just plain weird.

I need to dissect it and compartmentalize it for this blog but imagine the past tumbling down with great force on your nice poached egg and toast breakfast.

The first thing I will broach is some papers I found. I may choose to post about the rest of my day later or choose to let it float out into the world.

12 years ago.....

My husband was a writer and I was a costumer in Los Angeles. I had a steady gig on a TV show so he was the stay at home dad until my show would die. He was able to take ASL classes at the college level. I studied from a text book on stage. Somehow we managed to voice off in 13 months at home. This is Deaf culture paper he wrote as a requirement for his class. *excuse typos I scanned it and it came up a bit off*

My husband's first ASL Class Culture Paper

Cultural Awareness Assignment #1
Date of Event: January 22, 2000
Type of Event: Deaf Mentor Date
Location of Event: My home and Kokomo's Restaurant
Due Date: 2/2/00

Once a week myself, my wife and my son meet with our Deaf Mentor, Maxie.

She comes to our home for a couple of hours and each week we try to do something a little different. One week we'll go to a bookstore, another shopping or sometimes we just sit and play in the yard. The main purpose of her visit is to be a positive role model and a sort of Big Sister to my son, Hayden, who is profoundly Deaf. For my wife and I, she is someone that will answer any questions we have about things like Deaf culture, ASL, and what Our son can expect to encounter in the hearing and Deaf worlds. Because she too is profoundly Deaf and uses sign only, we are able to turn off our voices and practice our sign, while also getting a glimpse of how our son might navigate the world.

One thing we notice a lot when we are out is that people stop and stare when we are signing. Other times total strangers will interrupt our conversations to ask questions about our son. My wife and I aren't used to the staring yet and are sometimes distracted by having our every word watched. But we noticed right away how Maxie simply blocks out or ignores the people around her. Other times, people have seen us signing and assumed we are all Deaf. Sometimes it's funny When people realize I've heard every word they were saying about us, but other times it's hurtful and I find it very hard let it go when people say offensive or insensitive things. On this trip, to Kokomo's restaurant at the Farmer's Market, most people were watching us out of curiosity and commenting on how great it was that a two year old was signing so much.

Most of our lunch,was great, but I was very curious about how we would order at the restaurant. I've been with some Deaf friends that write their order, while others point at the menu. Other friends of ours don't mind if a hearing friend, Interprets, but I wasn't sure how Maxie felt about that. When the time came Maxie started fingerspelling her order to the waiter, who we knew didn't sign. My wife interpreted for her, which she didn't seem to mind. The only compromise that comes to mind is that of language. Maxie waits patiently while my wife and I struggle to sign something or when we can't read her fingerspelling, she slows down for us. On our end it's hard to forgot everything we know about English and try to think in terms of pictures and concepts, instead of words and phrases.

Overall our mentor dates are a great opportunity for all of us. My only confusion is about when to interpret for a Deaf friend. During conversations with hearing people that don't sign, it seems to be okay, but in others instances, I'm not so sure.

My lasting impression is that these dates are by far the most valuable thing in my son's parent infant program. In an education system where most teachers of the Deaf are hearing or hard of-hearing, it's refreshing to find someone that my son can relate to and learn from. Maxie teaches Hayden and us, things that a hearing teacher would never know. And each week my wife and I relax a little bit more and realize that our son's world can be whatever he wants it to be.

The Invisible IEP

2011-03-11T11:48:00.000-08:00

So recently I have been thinking about the challenges my son faces mainstreaming at an arts magnet school. The good thing is everyone wants to make sure he gets the accommodation he needs but the outcomes of their efforts sometimes fall short. The constant seems to be that they don't trust my opinion. My perspective is he would not be doing so well if I hadn't spent countless hours researching and implementing practices to ensure he would have the tools to be successful in school. I am not saying everything I have done worked but I learned from mistakes I have made.

I have found an IEP is sometimes just a piece of paper that is tossed aside after a long and sometimes difficult meetings. I have found often the experts wait for problems instead of taking my advice and in advance in order to avoid them. I have found my son sometimes doesn't self advocate because at the end of the day things take to long to change, it isn't that big of a deal and he can get the information in other ways or he doesn't care.

My son meets with his case worker before school every couple of weeks. He used to have pull out for English and math during class time. We found it wasn't helping and it took away from class time. That model may work for some kids but not mine. The idea I had was to have him use teacher office hours after school if he needed help. The district brought up the idea of having the interpreter help him during class. She would be acting as an support for instruction. I very strongly disagree and made a strong objection.

They pointed out that research suggests this type of model works. I pointed out the interpreter is not hired as an aid and needed to focus on the difficult task of interpreting class that last 1 hour and forty minutes. I did mention two interpreters would be appropriate because the classes are so long and there are three a day. Nope, not going to happen this year but it doesn't hurt to ask.

So after that meeting I find out they didn't drop the pull out services. My son tells me they call it English help but all they do is test his math skills, over and over. His teacher gets frustrated because they pull him during lecture. I am not positive but I think they pull him from English class. Meanwhile the classroom teacher has done research about deaf education and has found a way to specialize his instruction so he is learning faster than I could of hoped for. He is happy with this arrangement but hates the pull out. So I shot off an email to the case worker.

A couple of days pass. I get a quick response saying she will think on it. I think that is code for "stall crazy helicopter mom while we think of a way to make it more useless and complicated". OK, thats not fair of me but I feel that way sometimes. I do know they are all busy but all I am asking for is they trust me and drop this one service or explain to me how it is effective.

Last night my son tells me he had a meeting with the case worker. I actually like and respect her. The only thing about the meeting that got me a little ticked was the fact she told him they were going to have the interpreter act as his aid. " We know your mom is strongly against it but we're going to try." *nudge, nudge*
I asked him how he felt about it. "dumb idea"
I asked him how he responded. "OK"
"WHY????"
"because it will never happen. They don't do what they say they will"

So in order to get what he needs he is side stepping the plan. He will find a way to get the service he wants without confrontation. If he accepts the idea on the surface perhaps the pull out will go away.

The awesome thing is all of the people involved are doing their best to give him what he needs. I don't really know their side of things so I am left to guess. We are really lucky. Sometimes though it feels like it could be much easier.

Imagine- rated R for language

2011-02-24T18:48:00.000-08:00

Imagine you get pregnant and plan for months to welcome your new baby. Imagine all of the gifts you receive at a baby shower. Imagine how you decorate the perfect nursery. Imagine how you read all of the books and do all of the research to be the perfect parent. Imagine how the world seems collectively shout with joy when your precious bundle of joy is born.

Now imagine you go to the hospital, fed up because the doctor won't tell you why your baby won't turn to your voice. Imagine now how at 10 months old the doctor tells you your child can't hear. Imagine how you feel when they tell you he will never read or speak.

Now imagine yourself sitting there........ and you say.......

Fuck You

Last night I was at a committee meeting for a dinner show at my son's school. He is a deaf kid mainstreamed after years at a state school. He is cast often in shows but this show will only be high school kids so my 7th grader will not be involved.

During the meeting the chair person asked me, " Mel when should we have the interpreted shows?"

After 13 years I am not having to defend for a brief moment. The people sitting at the table have no idea what it means to be deaf but they want the deaf community to come to the show and enjoy it. My son has become a matter of fact. My son who reads way above grade level and has a "voice".

Breath......... a shout to the past..... FUCK YOU

What Is Real?

2011-02-23T10:17:00.000-08:00

I monitor my son's Facebook. To be honest I don't do it often. His friends are kids from his arts magnet school and a couple of teachers. The posts are often creative and rarely worth worrying about . The fact that his friends are hearing and he is deaf doesn't matter online. He can express himself directly. I often feel his meaning in direct conversation is changed because of the communication barrier with his peers. If not changed maybe watered down. I could be wrong. With the power of written English he is free. He can join the casual chatting of typical hearing kids. Here is an example of his freedom with the written word,

A girl posts- "Sometimes I wonder what's real and what's fake... I hope I find out sooner than later."

This is followed by really cool and sweet comments.

Then my Deaf son posts- " What is real? How do you define real? If you're talking about what you can feel, what you can smell, what you can taste and see, then real is simply electrical signals interpreted by your brain."

Yep, I am not really worried about Facebook. This is a place where my son can by heard loud and clear.

A Tribe of Many Cultures

2011-01-29T20:40:00.000-08:00

"All religions, arts and sciences are branches of the same tree"

Albert Einstien

If you like my blog you may want to check out my friend's new blog. She just got started recently. Only three posts so far but her story is as complicated as mine. It will unfold, I am sure, over time. Our stories are never the stuff of a manual.

Our Greatest Journey

I met this family almost six years ago. I was their first ASL teacher. They showed up with a deaf infant and a toddler. I am a bit of a snob when I teach. I don't allow SEE signs or Baby Sign Language. My son visits to tell stories and I expect everyone to become voice off signers. There are other classes for folks who want something different. I am oriented to second language acquisition. Most of the folks who sign up have hearing kids. They were different.

So I mentioned they showed up. Mom and dad came to my class. Dad was an equal partner. I was shocked. I remember looking at their little baby and hoping they would stick with it regardless of what intervention options they chose. I remember how brave they were.

We were different, like apples and oranges, I am a free spirited artist and very liberal by nature. They were more conservative. Turns out the mom is a talented artist and the dad is gifted in his "art" even though I doubt he would frame it that way. They have the same drive to make the world a better place. They love their children and are willing to think in such depth and not just do as they are advised. They don't judge others..... maybe we are more alike than different? Turns out we are of the same tribe.

So a few years later..... I consider them to be trusted friends even though we have no political or religious similarities. We can ask each other candid questions without the fear of being judged. I can learn about them and not feel they will be threatened if I don't follow. I am allowed to understand. I can allow them to just be with my respect. They can expect the same from me. Huh.... that is my vision of utopia.

So the way I see it is we are all standing around the same tree. From my view the branches slope one way. From yours maybe it looks different. The guy over there that we don't know is seeing a branch that needs trimming. We are all looking at the same tree. How about we all work to take care of it?

Angry Birds and Ipods

2011-01-28T09:49:00.000-08:00

I have habits in regards to the radio when I am in the car with my kids. If I am alone with my hearing daughter I turn off the radio because she is always talking and the news shows I listen to are too adult. I also enjoy having that time to connect with her. When I am alone with my son I do the same thing. When I am driving without the kids I listen mostly to public radio.

In the recent past I have twice left the radio tuned into NPR on while driving with my son. The first time there was a story about waiting to go to college. My son was sitting next to me in the front seat. He turns to me during this story and out of the blue starts talking about which college he wants to go to.

The second time there was a story about local schools using ipods for instruction. He turns to me and again out of the blue starts to tell me a story about a girl at school giving him a virtual cupcake on her ipod......

A couple of days ago I was listening to a story about a game app for phones called "Angry Birds". When I picked up Haddy from school that day he was all excited about a game app he found called.......

So this got me to thinking. I remember when he was little, before the hearing test, he would seem to respond to sound. I questioned if he was really deaf and almost cancelled his hearing test. I knew a mom who stopped signing because her deaf son responded to a car alarm. At the end of the day my son hears not a sound in this big loud world but sometimes he startles me. As my son would say if I questioned him, "still deaf".

This May Seem Strange

2011-01-16T19:26:00.000-08:00

I apologize to my two friends for posting about a private meeting.

Today I had the pleasure of meeting with two friends. They are deaf.... maybe? I don't know if they are HH, deaf , hearing or what level of hearing they have. What I do know is how good it feels to sit and have a really in depth conversation in sign. It feels so good to just relax and know they understand me. My signing skills have slipped away a bit maybe but this felt like home.

So we were "talking" about something important to all of us. There is a freedom when you sign. It allows for people to connect and focus in a way voice doesn't in my opinion. I notice when I am in my sign mode I turn off my ears.......

Yep, my daughter does it too. I will be speaking her name over and over and she doesn't turn to my voice if her brother is signing with her. Of course I am also signing and shouldn't depend on her ears at home but it really interesting to me that our ears learn to tune out the noise.

So today I felt a sense of "home". We have a deaf kid who is mainstreamed and rarely get to have that sense. We are the exotic family with the deaf kid. With my friends today I was just a mom and friend. I love how I can just look at my friends and focus on their feeling and thoughts. I really can't explain why ASL is so connecting.... I can't really explain why it feels like home..... I can just share that today I am grateful to have had a moment where I wasn't the mom of the deaf kid. I can only share that I am grateful to have friends and today gave me a bit of something I have been craving. Our family is different but that is a good thing.

Free Hearing Aids

2011-01-12T11:41:00.001-08:00

I live near two state schools. Both received free hearing aids for all of the students and staff. Nice. OSD's gift was made very public on a TV show.

So I was at a friend's house yesterday and she was showing me her daughter's. They are light weight and small. Nice. She said although she was grateful it was a pain to turn them off because you need to remove the battery which isn't all that great for kids.

She was also wondering how much it would cost to replace the earmolds which house the microphone? When my son wore hearing aides he would just go to the school audiologist to get new molds.

I don't ever think about this kind of stuff.

Music To My Eyes?

2011-01-10T18:25:00.000-08:00

My son is staying after school to rehearse for the ASL showcase this Friday night. All of the ASL students auditioned for the show. Haddy was a judge. They asked him to join in for the show.

The thing that struck me last year is it is all interpreted music. It was cool but felt odd to me. I am used to going to the deaf school to see ASL poetry. My first instinct was why were they just doing music? A deaf audience might be really bored and it is their language. Then as I really thought about it this year I started to kind of get it. Just like lots of stuff I encounter living with a deaf kid, its complicated. I really don't have a conclusion but just a ramble of thoughts.

Part of learning a language is learning the culture. So I at first imagined the kids learning ASL poetry. By then I imagined what that show would be like. 500 hearing people watching with blank stares having no idea what is going on. ASL poetry is usually not interpreted. 500 people falling asleep in their chairs. The kids would not have a strong enough understanding of the language to really pull it off. There would be no shared experience.

Many deaf people I know enjoy music. Heck, even really deaf Haddy enjoys it when he feels it. The kids incorporate dance, lighting and props so there is a visual element. I guess I still feel a bit odd about it. When I asked Haddy what he thought he said it was boring to watch, all music.

Then I got to thinking this is the one show at the school where they won't have any accessibility issues. Shouldn't it be really as entertaining for the deaf audience? Maybe add more dance and a theater element? I remember the deaf folks who have attended the last two shows Haddy was in really loved the dancing. I don't know. It is just something I think about.

I also got to thinking that when we lived in LA we saw a deaf group preform music at Deaf Expo. It was really cool so maybe my initial reaction was misplaced. I would still like to see a little bit of deaf culture injected but how cool is it we live in a time where there is a whole evening show dedicated to my son's native language? How cool is it that the ASL program has a waiting list?

So what would a deaf native signer want to see that would be accessible to a hearing audience in a way the bridges the two communities by limiting accommodation? What can a deaf person tell me about watching interpreted music? Is there a different way for these kids to showcase the accomplishments?

A Simple Question ...

2011-01-09T19:10:00.000-08:00

What does it feel like? Uh, to be deaf.....

How do we do this better? Uh, parent of deaf kid....

What do I do different? How do I do it?

Those are the questions my husband and I asked. Now that we are 13 years in I feel it is important to ask again.

What tech stuff do we need? What did we do right or wrong? How can we be better parents? Anything is a fair question or answer.

I feel we, as parents, hold on to our way and never look back. I am just wondering if there is something we missed?

Hearing Loss

2011-01-09T17:09:00.000-08:00

It seemed a bit funny to me today watching my kids at a birthday party. I have heard this phrase mentioned in regards to my son, "He suffers from a hearing loss".

That never really felt right. He doesn't suffer and he never "lost"his hearing. How can you lose something you never had. He has however, lost his hearing aides once or twice as a wee kiddo. Deaf people come in all shapes and sizes. Every deaf kid is effected by the level of their hearing. Every deaf kid hears (or not) in different ways. My kid doesn't hear at all so he navigates the world in a way that is suited to being non hearing.

I was standing in line at this party across the room from my son and saw him fluently signing with someone. There was a natural conversation happening. Turns out this man has a deaf mother. She "lost" her hearing at age 16. That is a hearing loss in my opinion. She had it and it went away.

I just was thinking about how we use language.

loss |lôs; läs|
noun
the fact or process of losing something or someone

suffer |ˈsəfər|
verb [ trans. ]
experience or be subjected to (something bad or unpleasant)

The party was a blast. We had a friend tuning 4. My son made friends with a 12 year old boy. They used their phones to communicate as they played. They are now facebook friends. The boy attempted to initiate this by by using a made up sign.... my kid understood. He doesn't suffer but he did drink too much soda.

A Very Loud Awakening

2011-01-08T09:59:00.000-08:00

This morning the whole family planned to sleep in. This is rare for us so my husband and I are excited. By 6am my mom starts calling my cell phone which I quickly turn off and float back to sleep. Soon after the other phone starts ringing followed by mom's dog (who never makes a sound) yapping at the front door. This prompts the big dogs to whine obviously annoyed at all of the commotion. This wakes my daughter who starts singing off key.

Soon my husband and I are stumbling out of bed grumbling. There will be no sleeping in today. Wait, Haddy is still sleeping. Membership has it's privileges.

How Much Language Do We Allow?

2011-01-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

In my last post I talked a bit about the obstacles parents face when they first find out their child is deaf and how we came to the place we are. This topic is so complicated I plan to post several times about it addressing my opinion on the different factors I feel are involved.

One thing I notice is a general fear of encouraging a child to become bilingual. There is a feeling that the child can only acquire one language. Marla was kind enough to leave a comment on my blog and this sentence hit me like a ton bricks.

"Don't know if you are aware, but in the State of California, only 8% of 4,000 deaf K-12 students are reading at grade level"

Ok, so I didn't fact check this data but do I need to? We all know the struggles our deaf kids face when learning language. The other thing that research suggests is hearing children benefit from being bilingual.

In America we live in a paternalistic mono-linguistic environment. In other countries children can be taught many languages at the same time. There seems to be no feeling of language entitlement in the counties that do that. I feel a child can acquire language without stress at an early age.

So instead of thinking about my bilingual son I am pondering my trilingual daughter.

She was born into a family that uses ASL (maybe PSE since we hobbled along alone) as primary language. Her hearing parents are native in English and her crazy mom tossed her into Spanish immersion when she entered kindergarten. At home she uses spoken English when her brother is at school. That is two hours a day.

She used her first language to navigate the second. She used her first two to easily pick up the third. I am not a hotbox mom so I never taught her written English and all on her own she figured it out. She loves to write in English and Spanish. She code switches with ease.

Yes, she does sometimes need clarification on definitions in English but that takes two seconds. She can quickly relate to another language to figure it out.

So why can't our deaf kids be bilingual? My son has really cool abstract thinking skills. He plays with English all the time as easily as he plays with ASL. Yea, sure, sometimes he needs clarification but it only takes a second.

With the command of language my son can be a critical thinker. Here is an example from last week,

His literature teacher gave an assignment that was to be a book report supported by artistic examples. She asked the kids to pick from a list of awarded authors. My son loves graphic novels. He asked if his report could be about one of his favorite authors?

Thoughtful pause, "Yes, if they have won one of the awards listed."

He jetted down to the library and found a favorite author had won an award. He explained his point to me,

(This is not a quote just the paraphrase of his opinion because I have to translate to my lousy command of English)

"Mom, people are not looking forward. Comic books and graphic novels are modern literature at this point. People look down at them as kids art. The truth is these writers are very modern and latter we will look back on how this form of writing connects with the modern kid and society. We will see the same messages presented in an artistic form but in a way people understand at this time. We might find they are the new "Classic" authors. My report is going to combine not only the original text but also film and contemporary culture."

So my bilingual kid and trilingual kid don't fit in but I am a wee bit happy about that. I don't want my kids to live feeling they have to "fit in". I want them to know that if they can think and learn they can do anything they want. I feel our country is not accepting of other cultures as much as I would dream of and maybe, just maybe, my kids will be.

Location, Location, Location

2011-01-05T19:02:00.000-08:00

So many people advocate for all deaf children to have access to ASL as a native language. I am one of them. The problem is that it is very complicated. One obstacle is where you live. To be totally honest I don't always think that is a valid excuse.

There is the argument that a family may not have access to classes in a rural area or fluent signers to practice with. I challenge that because I was geographically isolated in a big city with plenty classes. My challenge was I worked about 16 hours a day. I didn't work with anyone who signed. I really didn't see my family five days a week. At first we hit a wall when trying to find fluent signers to hang out with when I was off work. We were a nation of three. I believe if you really need something you have to do whatever you can to make it happen.

So I bought a book.

Every spare moment at work I poured over it. Some folks I worked with wanted to learn (with a little pressure from me) so I had people to practice with. Some might argue that they can't learn to sign from a book. I challenge that, make it happen. A running joke at my job was, "You can sleep when you die". Find the time and a way.

Reading ASL gloss is strange at first and maybe confusing. READ the first part of the book, the boring part that tells you how to do it. Learning this way is not my style but I needed to do this. Maybe a parent doesn't have a text book. Maybe it is too expensive. I find Goodwill is a great source. ASL students donate old text books. Really, if that is the problem contact me and I will make sure you get one.

13 years ago I didn't have the technology resources we have today. We had clunky TTY, email, a few captioned videos (VHS) and a captioner that worked sometimes on the TV. Now if you have internet you can access ASL online. You can visually call people in many ways (I just got a phone the has video chat). The world is not as isolated. Go online and find a way to get help. Can't afford it? Fair enough but does the SSI check really only go for things for the child? If your child was hearing would still spend the money the same way? We don't get SSI but if we did it would go to the best way to support Haddy.

Harsh? Yep.

One the other hand if a rural family doesn't get on the radar how would they know to make it happen? JTC has a correspondence course for families. Where is the ASL version? Where is the national advocacy group the seeks out new families and offers services without pressure or bias? I mean a group that makes learning ASL accessible not just a soapbox. Wait, there are groups out there that would jump at the chance to help families! Are parents given this information? If so how is it framed? How are these groups funded? Do companies have an interest? Do these groups have funding to help provide accessible services?

Another challenge is families who are ESL and maybe some who don't have the supportive educational background to step up on their own.

Funny, when we lived in Los Angeles they majority of hearing families with deaf children that we were able to socialize with in ASL were from Central America, really poor and with REALLY limited English skills. They had the same access to ASL as the more affluent families in the district that didn't sign. If you have the option you can make a choice and make it happen.

It took thirteen weeks to get to a point where I could have a conversation with a deaf native signer without feeling confused. Thirteen years later it is so comfortable sometimes I forget all people don't sign.

Another running joke at my work was, "Cowboy up!". If you feel worn out and wimpy get tough because it does get better.

Hearing Parents Need Support

2011-01-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I was sitting in my car ready to pick up my son from school. I saw him across the street chatting with a friend. She was telling him about her martial arts class. Then they joked as they waited for the light to change so they could cross the street. A fire engine raced by blocking my view for a moment blaring an ear shattering wail. He is deaf, she is hearing. She has been studying ASL since September. He has been using ASL to freely communicate for over 12 years. I know she is a first year student because the conversation is peppered with a lot of fingerspelling. I know she has a desire to learn ASL because of the speed and fluency of her signing. It is hard work to learn a new language but this kid is motivated. She seems so comfortable. That is not the case with many parents I meet.

As I sat there I remembered the day I was sitting with a friend as a fire engine passed and my sweet little baby didn't flinch at the noise of a siren. I remember later his first audiologist telling me that with practice he could maybe hear a fire engine. I remember how terrified I was. I remember how lost I felt. There wasn't clear cut option to follow. It felt like the world didn't really care about our family at times.

Yesterday I just felt calm and a bit in awe at how easy it is for my son to navigate and enjoy the world. I sat there and remembered how hard it was when we first ventured out. I remember that the idea we would be working to hear a fire engine just wasn't good enough. I am also looking back and thinking how funny that is. My son can see the signals at the crosswalk. He is not going to jump in front of an emergency vehicle because he can't hear it. I also marvel at how the world comes to him. Instead of him struggling to talk to this friend she is working hard to sign to him.

Often people just assume he is just a really smart exception. Often they don't care how he got to this point. When my son was very small we decided to follow research that suggested a first native naturally aquired language would be the best course for our son. We were so excited to get going then realized folks just were not ready for us. In theory everyone was on board but they didn't have the resources to really help us because we were the minority and the system wasn't set up for families like us. We were surrounded by hearing professionals with years of experience with families different from us.

A lot of people suggest families should do what we did. What I know to be true is it is a path laden with obstacles. Everyone was so excited when they saw we were signing with Haddy. It pretty much stopped there. The system in place only supported sign language as a backup tool to use in order to support hearing. The idea that we needed full immersion to be successful was not on the radar.

So when people blame families for not using ASL as a first language they are really aiming at the wrong target in my opinion. It is so difficult to get support I am not surprised we are a rare find. We had to do a lot of the work ourselves.

First consider the parents. If you have never met a deaf person you are a deer in headlights when the professional gives you the news your child is deaf. At this point you need support.

We were lucky Haddy was our first child. Imagine if the child is third in birth order. Taking care of a newborn child is exhausting. Being the responsible parent to the other children makes the task more difficult. How do you get the whole family to voice off at dinner when you are just learning labels? What if there is a "sign" class available but it only services the baby sign crowd? What about the parent who has never met a deaf person who signs or if they have they felt awkward? The professionals you meet first are all hearing maybe. So where is the example of a positive outcome?

In our society most families need two incomes. That takes time away from parenting. Some parents don't have the socio-economic resources to independently research options. It takes time to try everything and sign language is perceived as something you do if everything else fails.

Even if a parent chooses our approach they needed access to language fluent environments constantly. I noticed most hearing early intervention specialists have a hard time turning their voices of with non ASL fluent parents even when that is the objective. You learn faster with immersion. Sometimes that is not comfortable. Teaching a child to speak is in the parent's control. By learning another language you are shifting the control. That can be scary. You have to trust people who live in a different culture. You may be told about dismal outcomes for deaf children. You also have to immerse your child in visual language which can take away from other approaches.

There are other reasons I believe that influence parents. It is important to consider geography, culture, available resources, critical mass and the fact that we are a consumer driven society. It is very complicated from my perspective. I could go on forever and I probably will.

We Use ASL

2011-01-04T22:42:00.000-08:00

We use ASL as the primary language in our home.

Does anyone wonder why? Does anyone wonder how much support we got? Does anyone really care?

It was a mess.....

We did it on our own.........

Yep.... I have something to say.....

Do you care?

Mainstreaming and Oven Fires

2011-01-01T04:43:00.000-08:00

Mainstreaming is interesting,

I have been playing with my blog a lot over the last few days. There are reasons for that. It is something to do while I sit on hold waiting to straighten out my mom's affairs. I wait for folks to understand that I am in charge. I wait for them to help me straighten out her life. I wait while I deal with the fact that it is over. "It" meaning my mom. She will never be the same old mom.

I want to take her away..... far away.... but it will not help.

The oven caught on fire, the dishwasher is broken, the fridge is leaking, as is the fancy washing machine. Fancy computer A refuses to go online. Fancy printer A refuses to recognize Fancy computer A. Clunky Computer B can't print nessecary documents because clunky printer B doesn't reconize the black ink cartilage. So rather than face those challenges I play with my blog.

Tonight we played "Monopoly"

What a great game! Tonight my kids learned about how to buy a house. My kids learned about "mortgage"

That is not stuff we talk about but the game gave us the venue .... we played the game I played as a child. They learned words we sometimes hide. Words meant for grown up folks.

We had a blast..... deaf kid got a lesson.... as did hearing kid......

So my deaf kid won.....

Deaf Discount

2010-12-28T18:07:00.000-08:00

This is something I started in November. I never got around to finishing it but the topic is important.

Today while shopping my son came a cross something he wanted to buy. The vender was very friendly and helpful. Haddy handed him a $10 bill which was the price of the item. The man said,

" I'm going to give it to him for $8" he then handed my son $2.

"My cousin is deaf" he tells me.

All my son's short life this has happened. He won a skateboard once after the guy who took his entry form told me he was going to let him win. He always gets free food from restaurants, random gifts from strangers in public and various odd free stuff. Service clubs have special events for the blind and deaf which is lovely but.....

I am grateful for the generous nature of folks but sometimes I wish people would just treat him like other kids. He does not need any "help" he is not diagnosed with a disease. Every time something like this happens he just looks at me awkward, not really sure about what is happening. I have always taught him that he is just a kid who happens to be deaf.

I have the same feeling about school. Please don't pass a deaf child because they have a challenge.

I really don't mean to sound ungrateful. He doesn't get bullied or ignored by the world. I just happen to be a helicopter mom in search of a perfect world.

Just Kidding

2010-12-22T05:47:00.000-08:00

I am cleaning up my blog. I have so many posts I never got around to posting! This is pretty recent, I wrote it about a week ago...... hey, be kind, I didn't really edit....

Life has been really busy around my house. I get crazy every year around this time filling orders for Christmas. I was working away yesterday when I got a text from my son.

"Are you OK???? We just had a tornado alert!"

Me: "Tonado????" (yes I spelled it wrong, I have a smart phone that is hard to text on, my phone makes me look stupid.)

Son: " Yes! It is really bad in Portland and heading towards Vancouver. You need to let the dogs in!"

At this point I think my son is teasing me. I head off to the computer to check the weather. Meanwhile I hear thunder and rain pelting the house. Just as I find a weather report my mom starts calling. She has dementia so this is a common occurrence, real common, like once every hour. This phone rings and rings so I finally pick it up.

"Melinda, oh hi, I was on my way to the beach and a tornado hit the coast so we turned around. Are you safe?" (yea, I am safe but I need to get back to my orders if anyone wants to buy food this week)

So how did my son get my loopy mother in on the joke? I assure her all is well. She is in a care facility so I know she didn't venture off to the beach. I check the weather report and see a tornado did in fact land about 40 miles south of us. So according to the local news we are not having a tornado warning but a flood warning. I text my son,

Me: "They canceled the warning, there is a flood warning"

Son: "Oh, well my school is in lock down and all the kids are in the cafeteria" ( lock down happens when there is a safety threat, the cafeteria is in the basement)

Me: "Well, don't worry and enjoy the drama"

After school I get the the whole story. My daughter tells me they had lock down at their school because of a "big storm". End of story.

My son tells me a much more dramatic version. Some kids were outside playing and they saw a huge wall of a storm headed their way. They panic and run into the school. One is crying. (remember this is an arts magnet school, the kid was probably a theater student) My son was goofing off with a friend in theater class. (We will address the behavior issue at a later date) His friend stops goofing and looks concerned like she is thinking about a grave issue. (my son is deaf and goofing off so he has no auditory cues or information from his interpreter) The friend then tells him there is a tornado warning. He thinks she is kidding so he tells her there is an alien warning. Then another kid runs up and tells him the same thing. The kids are then herded into the cafeteria. He tells me the kids are all "freaking out".

So Haddy is shuffled off to the cafeteria. I learn about how some kids were praying, some were writing Wills for their families. I watch him as he giggles and relives the drama. I learn that when he saw my text about the flood warning he announced it and "forgot " to mention that there was no tornado warning. He tells the kids he wishes he had a surf board while they freak out because they are in the basement. Haddy is always joking. I learn that maybe my kid might be the calm one in an emergency. I also learn that somehow he can extract specific information, really specific stuff, even when folks are "freaked out". I also learn he has entered the realm of fearless teenager. So the end of the story?

"Mom, art schoolers are so dramatic, the funny thing is they haven't really had to deal with anything"

Mom, I Miss Deaf Culture

2010-12-18T04:22:00.000-08:00

My son is thirteen and mainstreamed full time. A few years back I would have never imagined that. I am a big advocate for bi/bi education and allowing deaf kids to be involved in deaf culture. I wanted my son to learn language in a natural visual way. I thought I was doing everything right. Same old story.

As he grew he out paced his peers which brought on the dilemma of what to do with him. He didn't fit in with his own culture. The other kids didn't go home to a family that signed. The other families didn't do what we do. We are a needle in a hay stack.

He is now at a charter art school. It is a huge deal that he got in. He scored 90% on his state reading test last year...... whoopee. By the way I hate those tests. The thing that kills me is he is Deaf.

So every day he goes to school. He puts up with so much crap just to get information. I get so frustrated but he just moves on. Yes, he has friends but they use a text screen and home signs to communicate. Maybe some folks think that is character building but I know as a child I was able to have open free conversations.. one third of his new education involves music. Did I mention he is really deaf?

Tonight he tells me he misses deaf culture. I have two reactions. One is relief. One is sadness. I am relieved he still has roots with the deaf community. He will always find it. Maybe I am relieved because we invested everything in that. I am sad because he doesn't have the access he once did.

My kid is much smarter than me. He tells me he just needs a week. He just needs to see his old friends. He tells me he loves his new school because he is an artist. His plan is to make a documentary. He will tell the world what it is like to be deaf. He wants to make a film about the world of being a deaf kid from all angles. He is planning this so he can go to WSD and see his friends. He is also planning this to teach hearing people that deaf people have a different way of socializing, communicating and being..

So he tells me he will ask for the support of his two favorite teachers. He tells me that a friend in college already volunteered to direct.

So it is 4 am and I am done writing this post. If you are a mom you understand why I am awake.

My Travels Through The Aging Mind

2010-12-07T23:13:00.000-08:00

I feel like I have deaf education pretty well covered in my life. Research, workshops, networking, moving, advocating and parenting. Yep, got that covered. Now after all that hard work we can rest just a bit and enjoy the ride. Live a normal life. Not worry so much.

Well lets not get too comfortable. My mother has dementia.

Mom is sick.. the hours spent serving a deaf son are now spent serving a ......... very sick person. The bean bags we chucked past Haddy don't matter here.

The other day he jumped out of my car mad, I wanted to chuck the brush at him, I didn't because we are still connected at the hip.

So the new topic is,

How do you get your Deaf kids attention? I have an entire list ....

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part Three

2010-11-20T15:47:00.000-08:00

So it is ten minutes before curtain. Over forty people were sitting in the section reserved for folks using the interpreter. I was having a great time catching up with friends when I saw the interpreters.

Down on the floor below the stage sitting in chairs. They must just be resting up for the show I thought. They were on a four inch platform which could not be seen from the reserved seats. Just in case I walked over and asked where they would be working during the show? Here they tell me. CRAP! I run over to a staff person and tell them the problem. If the show started the deaf people would not have any access to the interpreters! I was a wee bit angry as we ran through the school to talk to the director.

He seemed concerned and a bit confused. When I told him they needed to be lit he said he couldn't do that. Well lets just say I got a bit demanding. I was told they would take care of it and that I should go back to my seat.

The show started late but the interpreters were lit and on stage. I am sure
I now have a reputation as a crazy lunatic. Perhaps I am pushy or even ungrateful but for years this kind of thing has happened. I refuse to let my friends sit watching a mute play on my son's birthday. I would have preferred to chat with my friends and just enjoy the show. I hate making a scene but felt I had no choice. Such is life for a mama bear helicopter mom.

The mistake was that there was a mix up and the platform the director wanted was never built. Honest mistake but it should have been corrected before the audience even entered the theater. My advice to anyone working with deaf kids in theater is ask the mom and deaf kid first. I am happy to help and I am an expert on my son.

So everyone had a great time. Haddy's old Deaf acting teacher came and a really cool friend sent a beautiful lei from Hawaii to the school. Haddy said it was an awesome night and for the first time he could see the applause.

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part Two

2010-11-19T18:37:00.000-08:00

So this is the second bit of my story about the interpreted night of my son's musical. Over the last thirteen years we have learned the complicated landscape of interpreting. This night would not break any records or instill me with new hope.

I was asked to show up when the theater doors opened to be an ambassador for the deaf audience. I had already planned to be there to greet friends. The bus from WSD arrives and a staff member runs with me to purchase more tickets because there were last minute people added. Awesome. On the bus an interpreter who had worked the rehearsals gave the kids a synopsis of the show so they could follow along and not hang on everything the interpreter offered. This was an iron clad plan.

What followed was almost funny .... it almost ... would make us laugh if it were a joke....... but it was reality. Our reality is different than other people's.....

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part One

2010-11-19T17:04:00.000-08:00

So my last post was about my son's birthday landing on the same night his musical was interpreted. It never goes off without a hitch.

Yesterday was the big day. Since he would be at school from 9:15 am - 10:30 pm I decided breakfast should be special. I was going to make his favorite, eggs Benedict! I woke up early and realized the refrigerator was broken and all of the food was room temperature. Not a good start so I dashed out for breakfast burritos.

I asked if it would be fun to have birthday at school. He tells me his friends didn't know. Well it turns out they did and they sang happy birthday in science, his facebook page filled quickly with well wishes. I have a feeling it was fun.

After school the cast and crew eat dinner. I brought cake. The volunteer supervisor approached me and asked what to do about singing to Haddy. I tell her we should sing. She looked a little nervous like she didn't want it to be a bad experience for him. About ten minutes before the kids lined up they started filtering in asking me how to sign Happy Birthday. Soon the food line came in and a senior jumped on a chair and shouted,
"Hey everybody! Pay attention. Today is Haddy's birthday, this is how you sign it." Then 100 kids signed and sang the Happy Birthday song. They are working on a musical so I am sure you can imagine how beautiful that was.

So far so good. A magical birthday. I dashed out after the cake was served to meet my family and a good friend at a restaurant before the show. We had at this point about 40 people coming to support Haddy. The school has had him for over a year and I expected no problems since I had offered my help and the interpreters were well rehearsed. This was going to be awesome! I wanted to just relax and let him enjoy the night.
Well............... uh this is really a whole different post.

On Turning Thirteen

2010-11-17T18:58:00.000-08:00

Hey Haddy,

You are 13 now. A blog for your birthday.

I am prompted to write tonight about my deaf son turning thirteen tomorrow. Before the sun rises he will transition into the land of teenish. I know that is not a word. It is a Mel word but it best describes how I feel tonight.

Thirteen years ago I was in a hospital overjoyed with my new sweet baby. Moments before and after many anguished trips to the hospital in not so beautiful Hollywood, a place with far to many potholes in the road and jaded nurses for a mama in labor, my son was born. To my dismay friends piled in the room and one who was a film camera operator took the opportunity to jump on my bed and shoot the photos from the best vantage point not realizing the slightest movement was a jolt to me and my baby and perhaps the privacy of a birth takes a wee moment to clear away.

So the real point I want to make is tomorrow on my son's 13th birthday 35 seats have been reserved for the interpreted night of his play. The seats are reserved for folks who will be using the interpreter.

For years I have been trying to find ways to bring the hearing and deaf worlds together but in ways he can still be deaf. In ways he can be part off not an accessory to the world. On terms that both hearing and deaf can enjoy life together. There always was a hitch or red tape.

Last year he wanted to partner with WSD for a blended play. A lot of red tape later he was able to come with his teacher for one workshop but the kids loved it. A baby step.

When WSD came to buy tickets they needed a receipt and the person who could provide that was in a meeting. Red tape. It was resolved and the tickets were purchased. The art school thanked the deaf school for their support.

It just makes sense that as he moves into the world of teen, the world of more independence this is happening. Maybe just this one night but I will take it. One night both worlds will live as one in a way that feels right. A deaf actor will enter the stage and play a deaf role. A deaf audience will enjoy the show with rehearsed interpreters. And maybe there will be red tape or a glitch but I will take it.

No pressure Haddy. Break a leg and Happy Birthday.

I love you,

Mom

Fire!

2010-11-14T02:51:00.000-08:00

I remember one time I went with my family to Seattle to go to DeafNation. Haddy was going to preform his poetry and we were going to see friends from Los Angeles.

We dropped the kids at Grandma's house and ran for the hotel! Adult time..... nice. We met up with our friends and separated into groups that would stay at the hotel, go to dinner or go find a bar. My hubby ended up with the bar group.

I was socializing with some girls at the hotel around 12:30 am. Yep, I had a few cocktails I was socializing. Life was good. ....

Above my head in a friends room the fire alarm starts blaring. I tell my friends and jump up on the bed to cut if off so I can call the front desk. The woman I talk to tells us to file out to the hall and come downstairs, use the stairs. I tell my friends and out we go. In the hall was a tired group of hearing people making their way to the stairs.

Down in the lobby folks were directed to go outside. Stand in front of the hotel they tell me. I tell my friends. The odd thing is I don't "interpret " for my friends. If I am going to lunch with a deaf friend I don't order for them or help them get a refill on their soda. That night the hotel was a "danger zone" and I just stepped into that role. Who am I to do that?

We were outside cold and deflated because we had been having fun and now we were concerned. We mentioned there were other deaf folks in the hotel. Maybe a lot. So we went to the front desk to ask. How about the other deaf people? Do they need to come outside? We don't have enough staff they tell me. Is this a real fire I ask? We don't know they tell me. So what about the other guests? Nothing we can do they tell me. Serious I ask? Yes sorry they tell me. So if the hotel is on fire you will just let them die?

The woman at the desk decides it is a good idea to give me and a friend keys to all of the deaf people's rooms. Wake them up she tells us. Get them downstairs. Huh? I am not comfortable really going into their rooms. I don't work here. My deaf friend tells me to just do it. Run she says. So we do.. I remember running down the halls. It was a deaf event that weekend so there were many rooms. I opened doors and woke up folks deep in sleep. We managed to wake up everyone.

Then outside there was a large group, deaf and hearing. Hands were flying trying to figure out what was happening. One man came out fully packed for the airport thinking my nighttime disturbance was his wake up call for his flight.

My husband walks up with the bar group. What is going on he asked? I don't know I tell him. So we wait. The fire department arrives. They find the "fire". An ice machine malfunctioned. We will all be safe. Go back to your rooms they tell us.

So what if the hotel was really on fire. I was told there was one accommodation kit. One box full of the emergency stuff we seem to never need.

OUR COMMUNITY ROCKS! oops sorry that was my outside voice

2010-11-08T19:18:00.000-08:00

Sorry for shouting. I am just so excited. I emailed my son's old school, WSD (the one in Washington) about his principal role in his school's musical, "Guys and Dolls". For the last year he has preformed for and with hearing people. That is really cool but....... he needs his Deaf community. To have his community witness is big. He is Deaf. He always looks out to see if anyone is out there using the interpreter.

There is one night that the show will be interpreted. The school has been doing this before my son was accepted with low turn out. We have gone to interpreted theater shows before only to find out the interpreters are cast off in the shadows or the show is to complicated for the one high school kid on stage. This time I am told it will be different. They are building platforms for the interpreters so the will be high enough to see. The interpreters know the dialect of the school. They have the script. Please let this be a great experience for all.

Today I found out 28 people from the school have committed to come! That means money collected. So I race to make sure the seats are reserved in the right place. I beg the school to hold the tickets until they get an official school check to pay. I can't go into detail about the red tape of a state school .

Then I sit back and think about the one friend who made that happen. She has dedicated her life to the school and the kids. She was my partner in crime when I wanted to add electives about art, acting and cooking. She never backed down no matter how crazy my plan was. She is the one who makes Special Olympics happen. She is the one who can takes on the kids who have had it the hardest. She is dedicated to the kids in a way that doesn't leave her when she goes home. I love her. She is an SLC. Student Life Counselor in her case means a truly beautiful person.

Hearing in Pairs

2010-11-07T17:33:00.000-08:00

Last year a student at my son's school wrote this. Of course a tech advisor would have helped but how cool the hearing kid who wrote and directed this ..... Haddy was very campy and his hair!

No I Am Not Italian My Son Is Deaf

2010-11-05T10:18:00.000-07:00

I have a funny habit. When I am out in the world, maybe miles from my son, I will spontaneously start signing while I am talking. Some folks have told me they just thought I was Italian. Yea, the tall faired skinned Norwegian who can't make a decent pasta sauce.

It often happens when I get excited about something. Last week I attended a committee meeting. I had an idea and bam! The fingers start flying as I verbally explain my latest brainstorm. I am not signing in ASL just doing a sort of simcom thing.

At my daughters carnival I caught myself signing to her Spanish immersion teacher peppering in what little spanish I know. Yes I realize I am a big goof but it is out of my control. It is as if I think the teacher will better understand me with sign support.

Last week sitting in my mom's lawyers office talking about the interact dealings of elder law I did it again.

"Oh the hand thing, I have a deaf son"

I do it when I am eating. I will be talking and take a bit of food then stop talking and continue in sign.

This got me to thinking about when I was first learning. My husband and I committed to trying to sign everything we said. This was a frustrating few months. It was almost painful. We had text books and dictionaries in every room. We learned to make sure the books were published on the west coast where we lived. Sometimes we would learn the sign wrong and have to backtrack. Becoming conversational seemed like an almost impossible goal at first.

Then almost overnight something clicked. We were able to have conversations! We could turn our voices off at dinner. We still fumbled and made mistakes but we could see our goal in the horizon.

As time went on we become more comfortable. It became more natural and now it is habit. So much so I do it without thinking.

A New Language Emerges

2010-11-03T09:55:00.000-07:00

At my son's school a lot of the kids are taking ASL and because of this his social life is active.

Over the last few nights as I watch my son walk out of rehearsal I have noticed him signing away with one of his friends. The other kid is hearing and they became friends this year. I knew this kid was learning to sign but what I saw startled me. They were conversing at a normal pace but not in ASL. They didn't appear to be using PSE. In fact for the first time I didn't understand my son. The boy finger-spelled a couple of times and not in the halting way a hearing person who is learning does. Their conversation flowed in the most natural way. They were so engaged. I asked my daughter to look and tell me what they were saying. I usually don't ease drop on my son but this was too weird. She wasn't able to figure it out either.

So maybe my tired eyes deceived me but it look like they created a new language. I will call it VSAASL (Vancouver School Of Arts And Academics Sign Language). Maybe I will contact Oliver Sacks to research it. I am sure he would take a look and tell my I needed to get some rest and the kids were just swatting at mosquitoes. I am sure my son would tell me they were using PSE and I need new glasses.

I love the way this deaf kid and the hearing kids at his school don't let hearing lose get in the way of a good time.

IEP= Tired

2010-11-02T22:17:00.000-07:00

Today was my son's IEP. Every year we sit at a big table and dig through the many details of his education. Today for two hours we preformed this well rehearsed task. I am really tired.

The cool thing is the district is awesome. There are a couple of issues regarding team interpreting for lectures but really given the red tape it takes to get approval I am impressed with the services and attention to detail the special education folks provide. They have years of experience with deaf education and listen to me when I have an opinion. For the first time I really feel like everyone at the table really wants my son to get exactly what he needs and has the power to make it happen. There was even a general education teacher at the table who is very dedicated to my son. She has done independent research and is determined to do the best she can to make sure my son's experience is on par with the other kids. Amazing. I walked away knowing everyone is learning but that I can trust the learning is happening, even with me.

It has been years of figuring out how to communicate my opinions that got me to this table. This is why I am tired tonight. I have researched for years. I have learned the law and jargon. This is a component of raising a deaf kid that only a parent really at the end of the day understands. It goes beyond your child's development and progress into a whole new academic world. A world that is foreign, off your radar.

While deciding on how you will raise your child you are also called on to protect that decision before you even get a real understanding of what that decision is. You are left to figure out how to negotiate, how to get to yes. You have to develop tools to ascertain who is really knowledgeable and who is intrenched in personal bias. You have to wiggle around "privacy" issues to get to the heart of why things happen. You have to hope you can create a team and not adversarial chaos. The most important thing is you have to do is

Leave your emotions at home.

So I am tired tonight after a good IEP. I walked away with a sigh of relief and grateful hope. My son skipped his meeting for the first time. He had a twelve hour day today and he was stuck in rehearsals. He was a bit ticked about missing it but the law has requirements and his birthday is sneaking up. On that night his show will be interpreted for the community.

Public Accommodation Does Not Apply To Pac-Man

2010-11-01T19:22:00.000-07:00

I always tell my son he can try anything. I tell him To go for it. Most of the time we are all pleasantly surprised. Sometimes a wee bit disappointed. Halloween was just a really good laugh.

He really wanted to be Pac-Man. So the costume was built, at the last minute. Now take a good look at the picture. Could he have made it any harder for him to communicate? Remember my son is deaf. Notice the lack of visual access and the hands. He went to a party with his friends from school. He tells me that when he would go to doors with them he would get stuck in the crowd and not be able to turn to look behind him to leave. He fell down, the costume eventually ripped. We had a really good laugh last night he about his adventure. Good news is the costume was a hit and he had a blast and because the costume ended up destroyed I don't have to store it in my basement.

Deaf and Death

2010-10-29T20:45:00.000-07:00

On October 31, 2010 I will remember my other daughter. Well, really I remember her often. She died in her sleep four years ago on Halloween morning.

So I sit here tonight thinking. I think a lot, can't help it. I sit and think how my daughter never showed me who she is past the very first connection we have with our young children. I sit here tonight and wonder what if she had lived to show me.

I used to love Halloween because my kids could show me that part of themselves that comes out only through imagination. I would host parties to bring folks together. Then one day it stopped. One Halloween morning the world came crashing down. We were left defenseless.

A couple of days before my son was given his first "store bought " costume. It was the "Grime Reaper" . My daughter also had her first commercial attire gifted to her. I decided to let it go. I had a new baby, two jobs, volunteer classes at WSD and couldn't really design the costumes that year. My kids wanted to see what store bought stuff was about. In the past I had shunned store bought costumes. I was a costumer and my thought was a child should create the character they wished to become on that one day where they could be anything they dreamed of.

That Halloween morning I checked on my baby and she was dead. There was foam in her mouth, her body was cold. I had already sent my son to the bus for school. My husband was in the shower and my other daughter was asleep. I refused to believe it and screamed for my husband. I begged him to do CPR while I called 911. It felt like hours for them to arrive. It was only minutes I found out later.

When they did arrive it was dreadful My house was full of paramedics, firemen, police in uniforms and detectives in trench coats. I was of course feeling unbridled hysteria. I feel empathy for these first responders. Looking back they were maybe as shocked as I was, healthy babies don't just die. I remember one paramedic pretending to work on my Finley and she quietly pleading to her partner, " I don't know what to do".

We ended up going to the deaf school to tell my son. We had decided to wait until his school day ended at the advice from the detective The campus was strangely quiet for that time of day. We walked to the counselors office to tell our son and I noticed folks peeking out as if to see if we needed help but to uncomfortable to approach. Folks just want to do the right thing but what is the right thing when a baby dies? We told him the news. He protested thinking it was a prank. The counselor who is Deaf was able to help us frame the information.

So on Halloween morning we joined a new club. "Victims of Sudden Tragic Death".

What happened next will always brings me chills. Our hearing friends and community were not comfortable with the thought that a baby could die for no reason. They gave us our privacy. I don't mean this in a negative way. I would have never known what to do if the tables were turned. Some did come forward to help us grieve but....

Our Deaf community was also shocked but rose up. Every day we had someone with us. Maybe a hearing or deaf friend who was a teacher or a Deaf friend, maybe a parent or interpreter.

That Halloween night our deaf friends came to our home and the dads took the kids out while the mothers gave comfort to me. I found out over the months to come that this community was strong and accepting. I couldn't stop talking about it and they sat and listened even to the graphic details. Even though food tasted like sand I ate the food brought t use from our deaf community. I am not sure I would have been able to heal without this support.

We had a private burial for family and the night before I realized I didn't have an interpreter for Haddy. I was sick with guilt and contacted the owner of SRI (local interpreting service) and explained I needed to hire someone and it might be tough because of the situation. I know a lot of interpreters around here. The interpreter that showed up was a woman I knew and respected. She donated her time. I will always be grateful for her generous graceful soul.

My husband and I wanted a multicultural service and the school provided a venue. SRI provided the interpreters. They offered we didn't ask. The state school was our family and it felt like the right place to say good-bye.

The superintendent officiated. The community of all different walks of life came forward to participate. We wanted to included every native language and all faiths because that was the fabric of our life. They had all been part of her joining this life and all part of her leaving. I still can't believe how much we were supported. It was beautiful. One friend presented an ASL poem about Finley. She asked the interpreters to not voice for her. I glanced over to a hearing friend while she expressed her feelings about my daughter and he was crying.

I imagine our hearing friends who showed up were nervous. On one level it is a funeral for a child. On another it was thick in Deaf culture. I am grateful they showed up. I am grateful for the unexpected support from our Deaf community at the state school. The state school has given our family an opportunity to be whole and include our son even when it is a dreadful task.

So since that day I tend to sit back and think a lot. I think about how we treat each other. How we sometimes judge even though we don't have the whole picture. I wonder how a community could rise and support when perhaps in the past individually these people were maybe not supported in the past. I will always marvel at the reaction of my other first responders.

Who is punching my kid?

2010-10-27T10:27:00.000-07:00

The other day I was looking for something in my son's backpack and found a note,

"You are really good at taking a punch to the stomach"

That was all it said. I was startled. What did it mean? Was some kid punching my son? Was it some sort of awful game they were playing? I read the news I know about all the awful stuff that is happening in schools. I ran over to text my son and ask about this. I hear his phone vibrate across the room. He didn't take it with him when he left the house.

The idea that my son had been punched made me ill. I thought back to try and remember if there were any warning signs. No, not a thing. I picked up his phone to check his text history. What I found was more shocking. Several kids had congratulated him on how he took the blow. Was this a spectator sport?

By the time he came home I was sick with worry. He looked at the note and laughed. It turns out his character, Big Jule, in the musical he is in gets punched in the stomach. Apparently the cast thinks he great at stage combat. I feel like such a goof. He is not the type of kid to keep his troubles stashed away. For a couple of hours I didn't trust.

Over the past couple of years I have worked on not jumping to conclusions. Yep, still working on that. I have found if I am frustrated with my son's services or school it helps to really dig around and get the facts before I react. I also like to take both sides of the debate to get a better perspective. Deaf education is complicated but it gets much clearer if I step back, take a deep breath and look at the big picture.

Administration ...... grrrr...Or Yea?

2010-10-25T18:49:00.000-07:00

I have been blogging about the budget cuts at WSD. It really concerns my family because without the services we received my son would not be doing as well as he is. I have personnel experience with the benefits of this option for our deaf kids.

Well the other day I got an email from an administrator from another state school. To be honest I was shocked. I always feel a bit of a divide between family and administration. Not in a truly negative way but in a way that doesn't foster the united front we would hope for. What I hope we can learn from this is the need to reach out will help us all. I asked permission to quote from this email but after much thought I realized it is too important to cut up in to bits and pieces. So here is our correspondence ,

Hello there Ms. Orr,

I’ve been following your blogs regarding WSD with great interest and want to tell you I’m very impressed with your understanding of all the factors involved in the needs of those students who attend residential schools for the deaf.

I’m an administrator at the other WSD…the Wisconsin School for the Deaf. We’re a bilingual bicultural school and we use ASL as the primary mode of communication and instruction. We use ASL to teach English as a second language. The vast majority of our students require a visual language. For whatever reason they do not acquire English, usually because of the severity of their hearing loss. Lots of people assume that children can learn English via an interpreter or via signed English. 40 years of trying those approaches and 40 years of research have proved that English is an aural language and is learned as a native language via the auditory sense.

In order for these children to acquire a first language they must have a visual language which ASL is. The very idea that young children will learn English via an interpreter is silly, there are so many components of language acquisition that are missing from that model and the same is true of the idea that a teacher who has marginal sign skills or uses signed English will teach a child either English or ASL. Those children often come to us at the middle school or high school level and have no language foundation whatsoever. Then we are criticized because they don’t test on grade level.

Another thing many folks don’t recognize is the fact that our teachers here at WSD take two years of bilingual training and we require new hires to pass the American Sign Language Proficiency Interview, a process that evaluates your fluency in ASL. It’s the same process that the US State Department uses for diplomats being prepared to go overseas and use a foreign language. Teachers in mainstream programs rarely have these skills.

Please keep up the good work, it’s rare to find a parent so knowledgeable in regard to these issues.

Sincerely

Alex Slappey

Hello Alex,

Thank you so much for the thoughtful email. It is so exciting to hear about a school that is willing to
provide what we have been fighting for for twelve years. I agree with everything you wrote.

I was hoping it would be OK if I quoted you in a post. I understand if you wouldn't want to
be quoted in public but I find people are less likely to take a parents opinion seriously.

So thanks again, you made my day.

Mel Orr

Hello Melinda,

I’d certainly be honored if you decided to quote me, I have no problem with that.
I’d like to add that we require a certain ASLPI level from all staff because we are an immersion program. All direct contact staff are required to have a certain
level of fluency while support staff such as food services and power plant need
at least survival level skills. Many staff do progress past the required levels. It’s also important to note we have approximately a 50/50 split in direct contact
hearing/deaf staff and many of the deaf staff have native fluency in ASL.
This provides a solid language model for the children in both languages.
We’re not perfect of course, but we have a very solid program in those aspects.

While the factors I’ve mentioned are crucial there’s a whole lot more that goes into a good residential program, but you know that.

Take care

Alex

Let It Slide Right Under The Bar

2010-10-25T18:31:00.000-07:00

I really enjoy reading Eh? What? Huh? . Her perspective is very honest and insightful. Her recent blog about about a student who was allowed to retake tests even though he didn't study brought up some issues I have with mainstream education. To often I feel we lower the bar for our deaf kids.

Last year when we had my son's IEP meeting it was brought up to his teachers they would need to accommodate him. It was his first year full time mainstreamed and we were all learning together. To me accommodation was things like captioned films and team interpreters for long lectures. I was thinking of things that would allow equal access to the class.

It was brought up that my son might need five extra days to turn in homework. This concept makes no sense to me. If he is at grade level and has access to the content of the class why would he need more time? What if he procrastinated on every assignment for five days after the due date? The idea of homework is to practice the skills learned in class. If the class has moved on and my son still hasn't done the homework from the last week doesn't it make sense he would fall behind?

If a child needs that sort of accommodation wouldn't it be great if they had a more appropriate environment better suited to their learning style so they wouldn't always be five days behind? At a well equipped state school that is possible.

Another situation came up in math. He would sit through class then come home and just stare at his homework. I was getting frustrated because I thought he was being lazy. His grades started to drop. The teacher suggested we erase his grades from the first half of the year and start fresh. This made no sense to me since he still needed to learn the core concepts.

Then one day he was looking at the paper due the next day and asked, "what does that mean?" it was a term that was fingerspelled and given a sign. He wasn't connecting the English to ASL. The school had offered note-takers. That doesn't work because the notes are in English and he could just use the text to get the same information. So I did some research and realized he just needed a few minutes before class to learn the signs for the concepts. This year is is doing fine in math.

At the state school all instruction is direct in ASL so this was a new issue for us. It was easy for him to master core curriculum concepts. He had one teacher, Alfred, who not only taught the subject but was able to do it with a sense of humor. He is deaf so the humor was relevant to all of the students.

When he was in elementary we mainstreamed him for a half day for a little over a year. The teachers had different standards for his behavior. He was a bit of a clown and would do things like put a fake snake in the teachers shoe. He would blurt out funny comments and goof off in class. He never got in trouble! If all the kids did that the teacher would be facing chaos but for some reason the cute deaf kid gets away with it. We ended up pulling him from mainstream until he was mature enough to navigate it.

My sister is a college professor . She told me one story of a kid who sat in the back of the class and turned in awful papers. Papers that she couldn't even read. She found out he was deaf. I asked what his services were. None. He hadn't requested any so she couldn't invade his privacy and bring it up. Turns out the kid was passed through for so many years he thought all he had to do was show up.

I also have a friend who was frustrated because her administrator at her high school told her they were passing her up because she was deaf.

I guess my point is it is really important to provide truly adequate accommodation for our kids and always hold them to the same standards as the other kids. We are not the benevolent keepers of these kids. The grow up and need to learn the tools they will use to work on a even playing field. I may be wrong but I wouldn't hire the kid from my sisters class just because he was deaf.

Don't take my word for it

2010-10-23T18:05:00.000-07:00

I am a bit of a sceptic when it comes to research and test results when I think about deaf children. The thing that gets me is deaf children have complicated factors involved. I am more inclined to look at brain research in regards to typical development of all children.

For someone to research outcomes of deaf children they need to find kids to track. Well deaf is low incidence. Deaf can be a variety of things and families impact outcomes. Schools impact outcomes. There are also deaf kids who have other things going on developmentally which effect their progress.

I often question the motives of the researcher and wonder who funded the project. I am curious about how scientific the study is. We all know there is a way to frame anything to suit our opinions.

To gather accurate data I would think a researcher would need families to follow a controlled protocol while raising their child. That of course is just a thought I have. Families are so different. Some are big and some small. Birth order and finances can affect a family. The only thing I manage to control is my weight because I don't have much time to eat.

When it came time for our family to make some choices we read about brain development. Natural language acquisition seems to be a key factor. We decided on what tools we would need to facilitate that. We considered the unique characteristics of our son's hearing lose. We stepped outside of the deaf issue and thought about the big picture of what makes a human happy on this planet.

If my son had a mild hearing lose partnered with a learning disability our choice would have most likely been different. The world might still see him as deaf but he would be a totally different child.

If he had the same lose but showed an aptitude for speech we would have recognized this and acted.

When all is said and done my son has always met or exceeded benchmarks. He passes his state tests and reads way above grade level. I don't intend to research him but I can tell you some factors involved in this outcome.

1. Naturally acquired language which includes incidental information

That is the kind of information some kids miss out on like, "Where did I put my keys?" or "Oh crap the Johnsons are wanting to go to dinner Friday and I can't stand Fred he never shuts up"

This involves our family, my daughter included, choosing ASL as a home language. That allows for natural relationships not hindered by the stress of speech production for my son.

2. Exposure to real life situations guided by folks who have been there and done that

We had deaf mentors teach us how to navigate everyday life. It my sound funny but I wondered how a deaf person ordered from a restaurant. My son was only ten months old and that was a question I had. I also needed guidance on school environments and social development. That is where the mentor stepped in and gave us some practical insight and demystified topics we were concerned about.

We also guided our son to be independent and figure stuff out on his own. If he wanted to buy an apple I handed him a dollar.

3. Educated advocates

It helps to have someone who can untangle the jargon of IDEA and 504. Folks like this can also support you at meetings. There has been a history of folks not taking a parent seriously in our world. I contacted Harlan Lane and asked for names. I find if I read a book and agree with the author they are more than happy to help.

4. Critical mass

Find your tribe. There are people out there doing the same thing, find them. There are other kids and adults to connect to. I really does take a village.

5. Raise that damn bar

Too often I see folks accepting the statistics. I was told many things to expect and to be honest it was all crap.

Expect that your child will do well and demand their teacher does the same (in a nice way of course).

6. My child is not better than yours

Don't compare your child to others. Perfect is kinda creepy to me.

We do look at what a typical child should be doing at every age but do not worry about if he is doing what another deaf kid is doing. We expect he can do anything he sets his mind to an if it doesn't work out we move on.

I don't feel pressure if another child can recite the constitution or read seven books in 3.4 minutes. The world is a big place and there is room for all of us.

7. Do the work

For us that meant not only learning how to sign but using it. I know it is awkward to try and voice off at dinner when you are still learning but if you don't use it you loose it. Often I see parents in my class work really hard for an hour with me then confess the next week they didn't have time to use it at home. Being willing to get frustrated and make mistakes helped us grow.

The more you expose yourself to fluent signers the better you get. I remember being so nervous to go to a birthday party for a deaf one year old. My son was 14 months old. A friend invited us and we didn't know anyone. Everyone at the party was deaf or CODA.

At first we just sat against a wall watching. We couldn't understand anything people were signing around us. Part of me wanted to run. We didn't fit in. Then after a few minutes people came over an introduced themselves. They signed slowly, patiently. Soon we were learning about their lives. It turns out deaf adults wanted to help us.

8. Get the right education fit

I ask teachers where they were educated to get an idea of their philosophy. I stay connected and monitor my son's progress. Volunteering is a great way to establish a team feeling rather than an adversarial feeling.

My final thought is if I would have put to much emphasis on research and test results I might have let my son be cornered by statistics. We are not perfect, he does face challenges but so does my hearing daughter. I did do a lot of research and comparisons. I read the research and dug deep to find out how it was done and the motives behind it. My son is a minority within a minority. I tried to see how the research related to my son and our family. He is so deaf the only sound he experiences is through vibration. So I remember back when my son was three several Deaf people told me he would be fine. They were not worried about him even though I worried every day. Turns out they were right. I can't predict the future but at least his outcome will be on his terms.

Here Are My Shoes

2010-10-21T19:53:00.000-07:00

Here are my shoes. Now put them on and let's go for a little walk.

My son was born deaf. We couldn't get the doctor to listen to our concerns until he was 8 1/2 months old. Now children get tested at birth. I am grateful.

For the first three years we worked to get access to ASL as a native language for our son. We had to work really hard but were faced with many walls. Now ASL is taught as a second language option at many schools and parents of hearing kids see the benefits. I am grateful.

At age three he entered a bilingual/bicultural preschool. His class was the first class to go through this program. He flourished and we expected his education to only get better. To quote his IFSP advocate, Larry Fleisher, "It is a good time to be deaf." A couple of years ago we visited his old school. Seeing how great his old classmates were doing made me grateful.

We moved and he entered the state school in Washington. They did not have a bi/bi program. I asked for it and offered up his old program as a resource. I was told no, they can't, the parents would freak out. The year after my son mainstreamed at age 11 they switched to a bi/bi program and consulted his old program. To late for Haddy but I am grateful.

I found out about a curriculum that taught deaf kids English. I brought it to the school. No response just vague reasons why they didn't try it. A few years later they discovered it on their own. I am grateful.

I asked for an ASL policy at the school and the board told me again no because the parents would freak out. I asked for the teachers and staff to be tested for proficiency and again was told no because of teachers unions. Now the school takes the language used for instruction seriously and I am grateful.

When my hearing daughter was nearing the age of three I asked the school to allow CODAS and siblings into the preschool. No I am told because of some legal reason regarding state funds and audiograms. This year the school admitted CODAS and siblings. It is too late for my family but I am grateful.

The state school we left is now on a path that will best serve the children. I am grateful.

For years I have known my son would benefit from going a separate path from the common well worn road. A parent is the expert of their child. I find often our way is to off the radar for most people but slowly I see others understanding us and for that I am grateful.

Now we are entering the world of mainstream education. Again I am offering my opinions and people look at me with that "you are a mom look" and I hope looking back we will be grateful.

You can take off my shoes now, I can see your feet are a wee bit sore.

A Place For State Schools

2010-10-20T17:12:00.000-07:00

I recently read a comment on my blog supporting the closure of state schools for the deaf.

"Anonymous said...

I think the budget cuts are a gift that will allow us to make overdue changes in Deaf Schools. They say that you need a sense of urgency to create change and the budget cuts put pressure on and create that sense of urgency. I would advocate for closure of WSD and other schools for the deaf and a push toward integration of deaf children in the life of our public schools. Deaf schools are not the only places where competent signers are also caring teachers -- those individuals work in public and private schools for children at large. Public education is a fundamental issue of democracy and deaf children deserve it and have a right to it."

In theory this so great. If rural public schools had the qualified staff and critical mass to meet the needs of all deaf children it would make life much easier for families. If public schools in larger towns had the qualified interpreters and critical mass to support it's deaf students this would be ideal. It is my opinion directing children back to their local districts is not the answer.

So the topics I want to explore are qualified personnel and critical mass.

I was talking with a high school student and her mother last week. They expressed how it was hard to send her to the state school all week only to spend time together on the weekends. I asked why they didn't mainstream. I was told the interpreter she would get wasn't qualified.

The problem many rural and small towns have is even if they desire to educate deaf child who communicate with ASL they don't have the resources. You can't force interpreters to move to these locations. Children at the state school get direct instruction in ASL so there understanding of core content is clear. There is also access to a pool of interpreters for events outside of school because it is a hub of deaf culture.

Critical mass also plays a role. If there is one deaf child in the district it makes no sense to hire teachers with deaf education backgrounds. So it is left to the district teacher to figure it out maybe with support from an itinerant?

I believe their are some children who would never meet another deaf person which could effect self esteem and social development. In an area with a concentration of signing adults the parents are also supported by community.

My son mainstreamed for half days in elementary for 1 1/2 years. It didn't work socially because the district doesn't teach foreign language (ASL) until middle school. He now does fine because his hearing peers can communicate with him. We live close to the deaf school so we have access to qualified district employees and interpreters that can support his school.

Deaf children have the right to a free and appropriate education . They are also deserve the right to the least restrictive natural environment.

So those are just a few thoughts off the top of my head. I would welcome any opinions on this topic.

Did You Really Just Say That?

2010-10-20T11:47:00.000-07:00

I saw a post on Eh? What? Huh? that got me to thinking about some recent conversations and how I react.

The first took place at a church where I teach. I am not a member of the church I just use the space for my class. The church is kind enough to not charge me. A woman from the church sat in on my class last week. She was friendly warm. She reminded me of the typical grandma stereotype.

After class she mingled with the parents who take my class. She mentioned her daughter "does the sign *she hesitates* SL. She interprets for gospel signers"

"You daughter interprets? Musical interpreting always impresses me. ASL is a beautiful language." I reply.

"Yea, she went to college for it. You know those deaf people are really paranoid. They always think you are talking about them."

A mom jumps in to try and redirect, "That is your experience?"

"It is true, they are all really paranoid........" she continues and I walk away before I hear one more word.

Everyone except this woman is fidgeting with their kids trying to exit. I was hoping I wouldn't have to step in a make a scene. Some might feel I should scold and embarrass this jerk. I really want to meet this daughter who filled her mom's head with crazy misinformation. I will wait and when she visits again I will incorporate some deaf culture into the lesson. I will use it as a teachable moment. I still can't believe she said that. I sort of feel sorry for her.

The other thing that happened was a met a really cool woman waiting for her granddaughter at my son's school. It came up that my son was deaf. She looked shocked.

"How can he go to school here?"

I explain.

"Oh that is so wonderful! I want to meet your son."

She was really excited that the school had a deaf kid. She knows nothing about deaf kids but the concept was cool too her. He came walking up and introduced himself. He added a "nice to meet you". I voiced for him.

"Did he just say that? Wow, that is so wonderful."

So this woman was very cool. She had never met a deaf person and was learning. She was open to the idea that he was just a kid. I did not sense a shred of judgement.

So two women the same age in the same week have opinions about the same topic. Two entirely different opinions.

A Teacher At WSD Changed My Son's Life

2010-10-15T22:38:00.000-07:00

I have been writing about the budget cuts at WSD. There are so many reasons I am concerned about this. We have moved on to another school but I believe it is the responsibility of all parents to support other families. There are families who will not be receiving the rich resources we had access too. So today I am going to talk about one teacher. My son was surrounded by highly qualified educators at his time at WSD this is just an example of how the school helps the kids access their right to education.

When my son was in preschool I found out there was going to be a new teacher. I was concerned that this new teacher would not be fluent in ASL. I was hoping for a qualified Deaf teacher. She was hearing. I wondered if she would hold to kids to the high standard they deserved. I was worried she would talk in front of them to other adults. To be honest I wasn't happy.

At registration while others went from station to station figuring out lunch fees and bus schedules I tracked down the new teacher. I wanted to meet her and make sure she understood what I expected (in a friendly fashion of course). Looking back I was a bit of a jerk. I walked into her room and saw she had taken the time to paint the entire room and sew pillows for a reading corner. It was simply preschool heaven. I pushed that aside because my son doesn't need to meet Martha Stewart he needs a solid education.

I basically aired all of my opinions and told her one concern I had was the kids had no real exposure to the world at large. The planet as a living changing diverse community was not explored at school. I told her my concern is the children can't learn empathy and tolerance if they don't explore the lives of others. I also ranted about the lack of integrated ciriculum.

What followed humbled me. She had developed an ABC ciriclulum. Every letter coresponded to a country. A was Afghanistan. They children conected this country to every subject. Math I saw cooking, English was in research and report, social studies was the day the kids had to wear burkas . She built a book for each kid to bring home. We still have this book in our living room.

At one presentation she decided the kids needed manners and brought in her family china. The tea party was an event to remember. The kids presented and showed their parents manners and their presentations on other topics . One child broke a cup. The parents were in frozen fear.

" No worries that is how we learn" and she meant it.

That first year I got to know this teacher I began to have the highest respect for her. She got it. My son excelled. She also attacked core curriculum with a vengeance. She expected every child to rise to the occasion and they did.

This teacher has invested many out of school hours for the children she works with. Today I had the honor of paying back a bit. I sat and volunteered at the deaf school. I sat with her . She created a auction for this sinking ship. Cheers my friend.

Haddy had rehearsal and missed tonight, but I am grateful.

He really wanted to see a staff person, Lisa. She made him feel normal for so many years. He would tell me her stories and connect the dots. I know in my heart she knows he adores her.

I will always support this place we came from. This school with all of it's warts and bruises is a place of saving.

I Need Some Information About Interpreting

2010-10-14T12:37:00.000-07:00

So anyone out there ever have experience with interpreters in a mainstream setting? Any mainstream interpreters? I have some specific questions and would appreciate some opinions. I disagree with someone and am trying to understand their perspective.

How many interpreters did the student have? If more than one on an alternating schedule why? If only one full time again why?

What are the pros and cons of a student having two interpreters alternating two weeks on, two weeks off) every two weeks?

Thanks for taking the time to comment

Thats How We roll

2010-10-13T09:23:00.000-07:00

Today I am thinking about driving. I am reflecting about what features are important to me when choosing a car. I tend to think of the oddest things. Currently I have two cars at my disposal a Honda accord and an Ifiniti.

When choosing a car to drive I consider my son. I prefer the Honda he prefers the Infiniti.

The Infiniti has big heated leather seats. At last count it has a million cup holders. It has a fancy stereo and a luxury interior. He likes that.

The Honda does not.

The Honda has low seat backs so we can all see each other sign. It has a mirror system that allows me to look back and see the conversation.

The Infiniti does not.

WSD- Another Mom's Opinion

2010-10-12T13:56:00.001-07:00

I saw this comment on my post about the budget cuts at WSD and found it to be really interesting. Please know I am just sharing a stockholder's opinion.

Anonymous said...

WOW! So many thoughts. First let me start by saying, WSD has had budget issues long before Jane Muhollnad showed up. She has been a tremendous blessing to that school on many levels. I, as a parent, am grateful she is there.
Now on to "T.G." All politics aside, Do you know how many children attend WSD? How many children benefit from the education they provide? Not every student at WSD does as well as Mels son. Many of them struggle socially and academically. Did you know that many come to WSD that way. Do you know why? Because no matter how hard their parents advocate for them their local early intervention was not enough, or their local mainstream public school failed them. I know many teachers try to help and do all they can. But a deaf student in a class of 25+ is going to be somewhat overlooked. Deaf children, as well as hearing children, need a strong language foundation to be educated. ASL or English, it doesn't matter. Most deaf will not get that in a public school setting.
We CHOSE to raise our child DEAF. She uses sign language for communication, as do we. When she was three months old, WSD took us in. They taught us sign language. They introduced us to other deaf families. They taught us how to teach our child. How to help her become aware of the world around her. Most importantly, how to advocate for her. She is educated. She too meets the states guidelines for academics. She is very smart, and she thrives in a deaf school setting. Without the support of WSD and their staff, we would have had no early intervention for our daughter. I would not be able to communicate with her on a "relationship" level. She can tell me all about her day. Her wants, needs, likes and dislikes. We can read together and we can talk about tomorrow. We share a language.
You are putting a price on the relationship families have with their children and on their education.
You said that Mels son would be "better off in a mainstream setting where he can be challenged intellectually". But I ask, how do you challenge someone with whom you can not communicate. Someone you can not relate to.

The only thing these budget cuts say to me is that one child's education is more important than another. Their education should be protected.

-Hearing Mom

Charlie Chaplin Saves Halloween

2010-10-10T12:09:00.000-07:00

Every year as Halloween approaches I reflect on Charlie Chaplin. I know you are thinking I am crazy but Charlie Chaplin was a key figure in my son's early years.

My son was born almost thirteen years ago. We bought this little machine that attached to the TV to give him captions. Our trusty TTY sat in the corner of the living-room. A light flashed when the phone would ring. I bought an Ibook to do research and advocate for Haddy through email. I wanted orange but ended up with blue since everyone before me also wanted orange. We were hyper vigilant wanting to make sure we did every thing right to insure his self esteem would survive the first few years.

This is where Mr. Chaplin enters the picture. My son was not yet reading at the age of two and the movies available with ASL were limited. We got some Chaplin films and he was hooked. "The gold Rush" is still a favorite with him.

*At this point I will pause to assure parents we watched all of the films first to determine which parts were appropriate*

Soon my kid was playing at being Chaplin. He would swing a stick and hobble along. He could recreate the most subtle facial mannerisms. Instead of Mickey Mouse posters he wanted old Chaplin film posters.

Right before his third birthday a few weeks before Halloween I asked him what he wanted to be.

"CC!"

That was our home sign for Chaplin. The designer and tailors on the TV show I worked on LOVED Haddy so they recreated a Chaplin costume to exact measurements. The trend at the time for costumes was" Toy Story" and some other commercial characters.

* At this point I pause to explain I do not pass judgement on Buzz I am just trying to show how my deaf kid chose a different path. I do not look down on the little Buzz friends who populated the streets back then. *

On Halloween night we set off with a pack of hearing friends. I didn't want to have to tell every house he was deaf and interpret his trick -or -treat and thank you. I was hoping he could just fit in and enjoy the night.

Haddy had it all figured out. He would go the the door in character, silent. He would do his Chaplin moves as he got his candy. Not one person had an issue. At one house an older woman answered and asked each child what the were dressed as. She didn't know the characters that populated current media but offered up a smile. She got to Haddy and said,

"Charlie, Charlie Chaplin. Harry! Come here Charlie Chaplin is at the door!"

Her husband came to the door and a smile filled his face. Haddy then proceeded to delight them with a quick Chaplin impression. They took a picture with him. That is a magical memory for me. My deaf kid brightened their evening and found a way to live on equal terms.

Last year I posted about this topic but in regards to our entry to deaf culture

Chaplin on Halloween

So this year he is thinking about being a sculpture......

From Deaf School To Mainstream

2010-10-09T12:10:00.000-07:00

I thought about the transition my son is going through moving from a deaf school to a mainstream school. He was in a voice off program from age 3 until he entered 6th grade at age 11. I have to admit I was nervous for him. I am a mom and I worried he would be lonely or his interpreter would suck. I worried he would fall behind because he didn't have direct instruction. I worried the teachers wouldn't be on board. I worried that because he was the only deaf kid he would be treated differently. Some of this happened but for the most part it was an amazing transition. Here are some things that I noticed.

Somehow the kids all knew he was coming. The first few weeks were funny because random kids would swarm him all day in the halls and at lunch. They were eager to try and sign with him. He was exotic like a foreign exchange student. This was a shock to me. I thought like a lot hearing people the kids would be frightened to try and communicate with him I had heard so many stories of bullies. It was also a bit overwhelming for him. He was trying to get oriented and the attention was a little overwhelming. None of this was a big deal. He decided a couple of weeks in to face this head on. He made a sign that said "Free Hugs" and walked the halls with it to everyone delight.

There was the issue of music. The school is an arts magnet so there is music everywhere even in core academic classes. One teacher forget about Haddy being deaf and didn't plan for a music based lesson.

Teacher, " Listen to the song and create.."

Haddy, " I am still deaf"

The teacher scrambles around looking for a solution. She is determined to involve him. She finds a small speaker and hands it to Haddy. He leans in as if to listen and says,

"Still deaf"

The tension is broken and the class erupts in laughter.

One thing that he needed to learn is how to socialize with hearing kids. The deaf school culture was different. They tease in a different way and have different slang. I love watching him develop this skill. The kids at the art school are his tribe and his has a lot of friends who get him up to speed.

Getting the interpreter worked out is a pain and I know we are not alone on this. He is really active after school so last minute arrangements are sometimes sticky.

Some of the movies they watch are too old for captions, that sucks. His interpreter had to interpret an 1 1/2 hour movie on stage alone. The school is trying to learn though , it just takes time to iron out the wrinkles.

So the is just a wee bit of the transition issues. I can't believe I was so worried. He is in heaven in the mainstream school. I still would send him to the deaf school first. I really think it helped him academically and emotionally. If I could go back a change something I think I wouldn't worry so much.

WSD is in crisis

2010-10-09T12:00:00.000-07:00

Today I write with a heavy heart. The state school my son attended through the fifth grade is being slammed with major budget cuts. It has been going on for awhile but now they are cutting critical programs and firing staff. A friend who has worked there for 27 years was let go. They have already cut the fat now it is time to start chipping away at the bones.

I am told that because it is a state agency there is no federal protection money that other schools get. I don't know much about that but I do know my son's mainstream school is managing to maintain even in this economic crisis. I also know he wouldn't be in that amazing program if it weren't for the staff and programs offered at the state school.

I am told that the birth to three program will be cut. Early intervention provided by qualified professionals is critical the successful outcome of our kids. My son would not be testing above grade level if we did not have a strong foundation with the help of these services.

Some would argue the school needs to shut down. I strongly disagree. The kids at this school benefit from the critical mass necessary to educate them in a least restrictive, natural environment. Social and emotional growth is fostered with deaf adult role models. In some cases the families don't sign so this is a place for them to learn about the world.

If it were possible I would think it would be cool to have the state recognize cutting the already meager budget is counter productive. It is painful to see the school struggle to make the cuts without effecting the kids.

I was thinking maybe the school district could take over the school and the state could continue to cover the cottages and outreach services. The school could become a charter school with guidelines set is place to insure the bi/bi program could continue. Just a thought.

Audiogram- Holy Grail

2010-10-07T07:11:00.000-07:00

So my recent posts have stirred the pot a bit. I feel I need to clear up a few points based on some of the comments I am getting. I think the organization hosting the competition is awesome. I feel like some folks see me as ungrateful. Maybe you think I am the type of person to kick a patron saint. This is not the case. I think many deaf kids have benefited from this contest. I just am perplexed by the requirement of a current audiogram. I agree that proof is a good thing to avoid problems.

First, my son is not a typical deaf kid. Most of the deaf kids we meet are seeking some sort of medical intervention related to their hearing. My son is not. He was born with a profound hearing lose. At the age of 18 months it was suggested he try a CI. After doing some research we decided against it. We decided to raise him bi/bi. He had several audiograms in the first few years. They were all pretty much the same. We were told with aids he might be able to hear a fire engine.

Over the years we have not been advised to have more audiograms. Not one professional educator or medical professional has suggested this. My son did request one in elementary school he is now almost thirteen. Every instance where one was requested the last one has been used with no problem.

We also researched the IFSP and IEP. WE found deaf kids were being tested for social and emotional problems before there was any indication of an issue. Psychological evaluations were involved in the process. I noticed that deaf kids were more likely to be labeled with behavior problem. We decided since he had a natural native first language and no sign of any other issue to refuse these tests. There was no need to set him up for a label.

We feel that there is no need to treat his deafness as a medical issue because we are not seeking any medical intervention. Maybe we are making a big mistake but we are willing to take that chance. So far he is doing great and testing academically above typical deaf children. Socially and emotionally he seems to be doing just fine.

So back to the contest. The rules assume all deaf kids would naturally have a current audiogram. My son has participated in deaf contests and camps before. They always accept his old one with no question. He is also in a public school which could easily verify he is still deaf. He also attended the state deaf school up until 6th grade. They would be happy to verify he is in fact really deaf. The deaf school mandates an audiogram for admission. So I have a well rounded , confident clever Deaf kid. What I don't have is a deaf kid with a current audiogram.

So my point is, it is easy for kids with more hearing to enter the contest. He is too deaf to use the phone or learn to talk but he has to go pay for a test to prove he is deaf. Ironic? Well we just think it is funny. It also gives us an opportunity to question.

I was told to "deal with it!" . The idea that I don't "deal with it" is again funny. I "deal" with "it". So does my son. He doesn't try and pass as hearing. He is a teacher by default every day of his life. He does however question. Some times we find people are so used to doing things one way and it isn't a way that benefits the deaf child. If I just deal with it every time we are presented with something we don't agree with how does that benefit my son?

Here is an example. I am now dealing with an interpreter schedule issue. He has two qualified interpreters working two week shifts. The problem comes when the transition happens. There is a catch up time because the language at the school is unique. It is an art school, The district wants to keep it the way it is because their stance in the past has been kids get too dependent if they have one. This does not apply to my son who is almost too independent. So would you suggest I just accept this while my son's education suffers and there is an easy fix? Maybe because that is just the way it is done? The contest issue is funny this issue is not.

Someone suggested I should allow him to decide. I did. I don't decide for my son what he does I just advocate until he is old enough to do it himself. I was surprised to hear from his principal he signed up for morning announcement auditions. The announcement is broadcast over a PA system with no video. My kid has balls and navigates his life pretty well without me deciding for him.

My son thought this contest would be fun. The hassle of getting an updated audiogram just for this has taken the fun out of it.

I Made A Mistake

2010-10-06T09:33:00.000-07:00

Follow up on my last post,

So my son can't enter the Optimist club deaf contest because he doesn't have an audiogram proving he is deaf. I got to thinking.....

Why would he enter a contest only for deaf kids? Instead he should enter the same contest they offer for all kids.

Essay Contest
Topic: "How My Education is the Key to a Successful Future"

The Essay Contest is for students under 19 years of age as of December 31, 2010, who attend school in the United States, Canada or the Caribbean. Students residing on U.S. military bases overseas are eligible to enter using their last U.S. home of record. All Club contests are held by early February 2011. Club contest winners progress to the District level.

Club prize:

Medallion

District prize:

Plaque and a $2,500 college scholarship

For an application and complete contest rules, please click here.

Oratorical Contest
Topic: "If I Were Leader of the Free World, the First Issue I Would Address Would be ... "

The Oratorical Contest is for young people under the age of 19 as of December 31, 2010, who are educated in the United States, Canada or the Caribbean. Contest entry ends by late March 2011. Each applicant is required to give a 4- to 5-minute speech. Winners progress to the next level.

What was I thinking? I always tell him he can do anything he wants, why would I encourage him to enter the deaf contest when there is the same contest for all kids?

My Son Is Too Deaf For A Deaf Contest

2010-10-05T17:16:00.000-07:00

This is so funny. My son found out about a communication contest the Optimist club is offering. There is a college scholarship award, cool. The only problem is the rules to enter.

Communication Contest for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing
Topic: "If I Were Leader of the Free World, the First Issue I Would Address Would be ... "

The Communication Contest for the Deaf and Hard of Hearing is for young people up to and including grade 12 in the United States and Canada, to CEGEP in Quebec and grade 13 in the Caribbean, who are identified by a qualified audiologist as deaf or hard of hearing. Students interested in participating in the contest must submit an audiogram completed within 24 months of the date of the contest by a qualified audiologist. Students must have a hearing loss of 40 decibels or more to be eligible to compete. Students may use sign language, oral presentation or a combination of both. Contests run at various times in each state/province but conclude by late May.

Well my son is REALLY deaf. The kid can't hear a thing, never has. Why would I keep testing his hearing? We don't have a recent audiogram and I am laughing thinking about how he has to medically prove he qualifies. I contacted the Optimists asking if his school district could verify he is deaf. Really thay are reliable, why would they spend money on his qualified interpreters if he was just kidding about being deaf? This is the reply I get,

"Hello,

International CCDHH rules state that contestants must submit an audiogram conducted within 24 months of the date of the contest. Audiograms dated past the 24 month period or verification from the school district cannot be accepted to fulfill this requirement."

So this gets me to thinking. If they can't see that a Deaf kid wouldn't want to be marched into a audiologist's office only to get the "I'm so sorry he is really deaf look" then how will they handle the competition? Will they get second year ASL students to interpret? Will they marvel at the clear speaking voices of the CI kids while feeling sorry for my son that he can't talk?

I know they mean well but serious? An audiogram for an essay contest? We wouldn't want a CODA sneaking in passing as deaf.

"If I Were Leader of the Free World, the First Issue I Would Address Would be ... educating well meaning hearing people before they offer to help "

More Random deaf

2010-10-03T17:52:00.000-07:00

I posted about how often you run into people who sign in the most random environments.

Random Deaf

Today also supports this.

Today we went to the Junior Diabetes Research Foundation walk. We raised money to help support this cause and met with 6000 people to walk then play at an amusement park. Last year Haddy was the only deaf person we saw. This year was much different.

We saw a whole team of deaf people. We saw three interpreter friends on another team. We saw some deaf friends on yet another team and met some of their deaf friends. It was so great to see so many deaf people at a cause that has no connection to deafness. Deaf people out supporting another issue. Deaf people everywhere we looked.

My son brought a hearing friend from school and they ran around all day going on rides, playing games and then roller skating. We kept tabs on each other by texting. I never thought I would say this but I love technology even if it means giving my 12 year old a phone.

I get a text, "come now"

Then I see him walking towards me holding his arm. He fell down skating. I had a friend close by who work on an ambulance. He said it was fine but we sent them to first aide for ice. The two boys walked in the office to ask for ice and a woman who was just visiting her friend, the nurse, tells them she is a medical interpreter! How weird is that?!? So my son had the service of a qualified interpreter in a medical situation by chance. Random.

IEP VS 504

2010-09-24T13:52:00.000-07:00

Today I had a meeting with the Special Ed folks. I wanted to address an issue with the interpreter's schedules. During the meeting I am told the school district reviewed my son's IEP and reported back that he doesn't qualify. They want to move him over to 504 accommodation. I remember a few years ago the deaf school said the same thing but because he is deaf he could still receive services. I hadn't thought about it much since then, until today. Maybe they are right?

Now I will have to research and figure this out. I have some time they never move quickly. The district is really great with what they offer. I have tons of experience with IEP jargon but none with 504 compliance.

I would love some feedback from anyone who has experience with this.

The Last Gasp

2010-09-19T12:25:00.000-07:00

Some would argue that my son is part of the last gasp of a dying culture. I am sure there was a mother in 1880 thinking the same thing.

I don't focus on the arguments for or against our choice. There is a reason for that. I can't change the opinions of others. I support the choices other parents make. I can enjoy sharing the joy of life with my son. I just think every child can enjoy all their body has to offer. I will not stand on the edge of a cliff staring at the end.

What surprises me is a culture that grows outside of itself. I see things that indicate this growth everyday.

When my son was two a new friend was frustrated that he acted up when she tried to take my husband's attention away. She tried gifts, fun adventures and finally took an ASL class.

She is now an interpreter.

When I worked on a TV show my son would come to visit often for lunch. The caterers would get confused when I interpreted. They learned how to take his order. He would walk up an request with ASL chicken or fish, veggies*yes!* , or rice all by himself. I would be sitting near by chatting with friends.

The assistant director noticed the connivence of sign. We would skip the radio after he was fluent to talk about the actors in delicate situations.

As my son grew people would ask questions. They would learn but they, for the most part were hearing.

I started to teach ASL to hearing parents and their children. My son was a guest teacher. He would come and tell stories and show them his poetry, read books using his language. He would entertain them and show them the beauty of his world. Several entered interpreting programs. Many still use ASL at home.

When my son goes to mainstream schools he is not cast out. He is not asked to speak. The school he attends now has added a third level to their ASL program. The students work hard to gain fluency just so they can "talk" to my son.

He is cast in a musical. The director is learning how to make a deaf kid "sing". So Deaf West is introduced to the school culture. His theater teacher is finding ways to integrate ASL into the class. They both saw Howie Seago preform in Ashland this summer.

Yesterday we took a train to go see "Cirque De Soleil". A Deaf cast member has been added. My son chose a hearing friend to come with us. This 18 year old kid is conversational in sign because he was in a theater company with my son. This year he is starting college. Guess what..... he wants to become an interpreter.

I could go on and on.

So as I stand at the edge of the cliff, the edge of the end, I chose to look forward and enjoy the ride.

Exciting

2010-09-13T13:45:00.000-07:00

I am the parent of a Deaf twelve soon to be thirteen year old. I am also profoundly hearing. I recently was strolling around DeafRead. I must admit I hate reading about the crimes of deaf adults. I choose not to. Sorry folks I find it depressing. This is not how I want the deaf community to present to my family. The community is big and varied enough to afford us this luxury.

On a different topic......OK I am going to brag a bit here so click away if that annoys you...

My deaf son was not arrested today.

My Deaf son was cast in a principal role for a musical today!

He goes to an arts school so this is no easy feat. We were registering at school and I saw the table for sign up. I asked if he wanted to try. He said "No Deaf "points to self* music". My son does not talk let alone sing. A theater teacher told him sign up. I couldn't believe that he thought he shouldn't try because he is deaf. Well 1 audition and 3 callbacks later he was cast.

The show opens in November. He is going to have so much fun.

The First Day Of School

2010-09-08T15:29:00.000-07:00

I started this post on Wednesday night. Today is Saturday....hmmm.... busy start to the year.

Day One

So today was the big day. Last night was the big night. Its school time.

Of course I ignored the newsletter that reminded us to get the kids to sleep early a few nights before school starts. Yea, thats how we roll. So I am the brilliant mom chasing her kids to bed at 10pm. The morning started out fine. I forgot the art of lunch packing since my brain is still in bbq mode. Summer is gone for all intents and purposes but I haven't caught up. Crashing through the refrigerator I come up with carrots, slap some meat and cheese on baguette left over from dinner and grill on the trusty panini grill. I toss in a bottle of water and some random fruit. I will shop today and make it up to them on the second day of school.

My seven year old needs to wake up first. I make her some oatmeal and water. I know , prison food, I will get it right on the second day of school. She puts together a stunning ensemble. It is a symphony of stripes, flowers, polka-dots and sparkles. I drop her at school and off to wrangle the twelve year old. This is usually the most daunting task and today is no different.

Dropping my daughter off is easy, she walks to class and that is that. My son is different. He has new teachers so I need to contact all of them to offer assistance if they need it. I have found teachers who have never worked with a deaf kid can be nervous about it. Sometimes they need to be taught how to use the interpreter or they need to be aware videos need to be captioned. Please don't stand in front of a window while you lecture I tell them. I am teaching my son how to do this himself. Next year is sink or swim but this year I help a bit. My emails are light and I make attempts at humor. I have found over the years teachers are people and they respond better to the team player approach rather than the adversarial approach. I want to give them tools before they make a well meaning mistake.

I also contact his itinerant teacher. I set up a meeting to make sure everything is ready to go. I make sure he got the right interpreter. I wait to hear how his day went. I get a text to remind the school he will need an interpreter for callbacks for the musical. Yes, he is the only deaf kid auditioning for the musical.

In the morning I had fully intended to take pictures. I forgot. I was reminded when I logged into fancebook and saw the parade of my friend's kids. Surely they do this to taunt me. I figure I can take an after school picture.

I pick up my daughter who jumps in the car sans cool jacket she got for school.

Me, "Where is your jacket?"

Her, "I loaned it to Sara because she was cold"

My daughter is really nice but we need that jacket back.

She loves her teacher and her best buddy is in her class. All is good.

We then go to my son's school to give him a snack before his audition. I was so busy dealing with the helicopter duties of being the mother of a deaf kid I didn't have time to prepare a healthy meal for him. We end up at Dairy Queen. I will do better on the second day of school.

It is then he tells me a funny story. There are a bunch of new nervous sixth graders at school. All of the staff and returning students know my son, it is a small school with grades 6-12 and he is the only deaf kid. They are used to him and he is an equal part of the community.

He is in the hall with his interpreter. A girl walks up thinking the interpreter is staff.

"Excuse me where is the girls bathroom?"

The interpreter does her job and interprets. The girl has a strange expression. It is the interpreter's first day and she doesn't know where to direct the girl. She apologizes and interprets her response. My son knows where the bathroom is and with two B hand-shapes held parallel shows her. Imagine the guy on the street crew directing traffic. The girl looks at him like he is crazy.

This first day went fine. It is Saturday and the kids are relaxing. My son had his third callback for the musical this morning, yes a musical. I never got my pictures. The best I can do is described what they looked like.

My daughter did her own hair. Her outfit resembled John Lennon's costume in "Sergeant Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band". Today is Saturday and we still don't have the jacket.

My son wore a Beattles shirt, purple jeans and purple shoes. His haircut was a hot topic. He didn't want a jacket, "not my style" so therefore he came home with all of his clothes.

Next week we will be a well oiled machine.

Advice From A Bad Parent

2010-09-06T11:58:00.000-07:00

Do you ever do stuff as a parent you regret? I do. Sometimes I use the battle cry of " pick your battles" as an excuse to give myself room to take a break.

Tip- Don't let your kids sign things in public that you wouldn't let them say with their voices.

We were on the train yesterday. I was tired and wanted to read my book. I was getting to the good part. I spent the weekend monitoring, directing, comforting and watching out for a seven year old sleep walker. I needed a break. In the background I was vaguely aware of the polite discourse that happens among strangers trapped in close quarters. The polite getting to know you type of stuff I didn't have energy for.

My kids sat across from me giggling and being for the most part manageable. We were a silent tribe of three. Folks wouldn't dare to inquire about our trip because our hands fly with no sound. Membership has it's privileges. I looked up and saw my kids were talking about farts. Nice. Normally I would tell them to stop. I would tell them that was bad manners. Not this time. I pretended I didn't see it.

I payed the price. Ten minutes later my hearing daughter proclaims," I just farted" with enough volume to alert the entire car. I noticed the dead silence that followed as rows 3, 4 and 5 turned to investigate the source. I couldn't see the others so who knows how many folks were startled.

Lesson learned. Only take breaks in the privacy of your own home. Teach your children well and never sign something in public you wouldn't say out loud.

Sure My Son, You Can Join The Circus

2010-09-01T20:21:00.000-07:00

A couple of thoughts come to mind today. My world right now is focused on my mother's dementia. Her life has become a job for me. I am learning more about the human brain than I ever wanted too. I am fighting insurance companies and looking for answers. Everyone has a different opinion. Sound familiar?

So I got to thinking. What happens to my son if this happens? Just a thought.

Another thing we are thinking about here is Cirque De Soliel. There is a new Deaf cast member on the Alegria tour (http://www.facebook.com/pages/Max-I-Mime/75528733175) . Cool. My son begged me to get tickets. I found the money. We bought them. Turns out this cast member is not working until after they leave our radius of travel. Oh well, we will go and enjoy the show. My son will go and be inspired.

My son wants to join Cirque. His passion is a driving force for our seeing the show every time we can. The fact that a Deaf cast member is on tour sends him hope. He has researched and found out the benefits are great. He has rented all the shows on DVD that we don't already own or haven't seen live.

He is also shocked I support this dream,

" Most moms fear their kids will run away to the circus and you support it?"

Yea, I do,

I support both of my kid's dreams

I believe they can accomplish anything

I know their goals will change, I wanted to be an Opera singer, costume designer and veterinarian. I became a costumer for film and television, pretty close.

My only rule is they don't work for money until they are old enough. I will help them find classes, support their dreams and listen to their disappointments. I will attend their games, shows and recitals.

If they end up working in a field far from their dreams I hope they have the tools to bring the dream into their adult lives at least as a hobby. I hope they learned skills that will help them in their new lives as adults. My son's acting is giving him confidence and public speaking skills. His auditions give him the power to interview for a job with meaning. The fact that my son is Deaf has no real point. He can do anything but hear.

In Defense Of Facebook For Learning English

2010-08-26T20:49:00.000-07:00

I know most parents would think I am crazy. My twelve year old has a Facebook page. No, you cannot be his friend. You see I monitor all of his activity. I check before he adds friends and read his wall. I have his password.

I went to him and asked him to "FB" a certain friend to send me a copy of a movie he cast Haddy in. It got me thinking.

The reason it really benefits him is he learns to self edit his English. This is how it works.

Facebook is a form of letter writing or journaling. Anything he sends out is read by his friends. His friends are his peers from school, camp and other activities. Some of his friends are his teachers. Most of his friends are hearing kids from school and have command of written English.

Every-time he posts he has to edit his English. He doesn't want to look like he can't write. He wants people to know he is "smart". So he watches the language of the other kids and mimics it. The kids from his school do use a bit of text talk but for mostly use high register English.

The result is he is learning to better present information in well written English. The down side is it is not a way he has used to connect with deaf kids. The good news is it levels the communication playing field with his hearing friends.

I often read horror stories about social media. In our case it happens to be a benefit right now.

"DUDE, please become an interpreter"

2010-08-26T11:51:00.000-07:00

I got a really great comment on this post

Tendue, Saute and Plie...Say What?

This person has some very good points and I was wondering what the best solution might be. The issue is that I have found myself stepping in to interpret.

The first point I want to explore is why I don't get certified. Well there are many reason but the most important is I don't want to complicate my role as advocate and parent. I think if I did get certified people would assume I could interpret for him. I also don't want to go back to school and get certified just to send the right message. I just don't have time and it would take time away from other topics we deal with. To be honest I don't like interpreting for him and only do it when it is absolutely necessary from my perspective. I agree it is not good for a parent to interpret for their child.

So here comes the question and my second point I want to explore. What should I do? If my son wants to join a class that has 10 students taught by a private instructor who interprets? By law the teacher doesn't have to pay. I can't afford someone qualified. So do I tell him to wing it? Just copy the other kids? Or do I just tell him he doesn't get to go? My solution for this was to just go and do it myself. The quality of the experience was more important to us than the politics. The law is not a magic wand and I want my son to enjoy his interests like every other kid.

On the other hand once he needed a dentist. I was new to the city and did some research on who had enough income and employees to be bound by law to provide an interpreter. I had to fight for three months to get this. I called the DOJ and the dental association to get it resolved. Not one person I knew at the time thought to ask for this. After we won the battle several deaf children now have access. So for me this was a battle worth fighting.

Here is another problem. What if his rights are not in his best interest? Yesterday at the last minute he signed up for an audition for a musical at school. He had to report this morning at 10:30 Am. This means he needs time prior to the audition to rehearse with the interpreter. When he signed up the office was closing so they couldn't get the request in until morning. This means he would have to settle for who they could find at the last minute. Many of the district interpreters are not qualified to work an audition and even if by chance he did get a good one that person would have to memorize the timing and lyrics of a song and work through a monologue with him.He didn't have time to count out the song and memorize the timing so he needed someone who could cue this. So the bottom line is even though we both would of preferred an interpreter it was more likely he would preform better if I did it. If he gets a part they will hire a team of qualified interpreters for the run of the show. So hire one for the audition and blow it or maybe get the part and employ several people for three months?

I remember an evaluation meeting for my son at the deaf school. Everyone could sign and there was one deaf staff. They didn't get an interpreter. We all agreed to this since the meeting would be conducted in ASL. Well during a meeting a hearing woman from the school district walks in and sits down. I stop the meeting and ask who she was. I ask if she signs. No she tells us. I tell her she will not understand the meeting. The deaf teacher offers to leave so we can talk. I refuse to let that happen. We finished the meeting with people filling her in on the main points. I refused to allow anyone to simcom. To me this was important and this woman learned she needed to make sure she had accommodation at the deaf school.

So I am not perfect. I don't have all the answers and I make mistakes. If you have the answer please share it with me. Sorry for any typos my eyes are tired from learning the lyrics for the audition.

Audition Frenzy

2010-08-25T16:25:00.000-07:00

So today we went to "Register Day" for Haddy's art charter school. He is the only deaf kid so I am sure you can imagine it is a wee bit different for him.

All summer I have been asking for a specific interpreter who is experienced in the arts. We won't find out until right before school starts if he got her. If we don't that means I will have to make sure the interpreter he gets is qualified. The good news is the school is very supportive and the district is responsible. So he will have a certified interpreter but we need a person familiar with the arts.

As we went through the line we came to the table to sign up for the Fall musical auditions. The school has three plays every year, a musical, dinner show and drama. Last year he was the only middle school kid in the dinner show. I asked if he was going to try. He said no. His theater teacher was standing by and asked why. He replied, " I am deaf and this is a musical"

She pointed to the table and said,

"Go sign up"

So he did. I always tell him we don't say can't until we fail. He may not get in but I think he should try if he wants to. He can let the teachers decide if he is a good fit.

Today we had to hurry around and find a song and monologue for the audition. He will audition at 11am . This is what it looks like.

1. He needs a song.

He picks "Fireflies" by Owl City. Fun lyrics. We run to get the music and come home to print the lyrics. My printer is out of ink. Oops, a road block. He does well if he has the printed text for music.

I search youtube for a video with the lyrics on time. I find something close. He plugs in his "sckullcrusher " headphones to help find the beat. We work through the song several times. We plug the headphones into the stereo and work out the timing without the caption and my prompt. He tries to remember the song.

The song is sort of ready.

2. He needs a monologue.

This is more of a problem because we have several plays at our home but finding a monologue would take time. He picks a Deaf bit from a mentor's bag of tricks. His monologue will be a deaf story.

So in the morning with very little time to prepare he will audition for a musical. It doesn't matter if he gets in. Every-time the kids auditions they learn. A kid like mine and your's gains the experience of getting up in front of people and winging it sometimes.

He Always Has An Angle

2010-08-23T14:13:00.000-07:00

At lunch today my kids were thinking of jobs they wanted me to do. My daughter wants me to go back to being an artist. Cool.

My son wants me to become an interpreter. He says I should pay his 25% of my earnings because he is the reason I could do this.

Tendue, Saute and Plie..... Say what?

2010-08-21T07:53:00.000-07:00

I have the unique opportunity to interpret for my son's modern dance class this summer. Some folks would take offense that I didn't hire a professional interpreter but the bottom line is I can't afford the class and the interpreter. So armed with a vocabulary sheet I dive in. First I need to see the moves and learn the names. We decide on a sign.

Here is an example of what I need to convey,

"and 5 6 7 ready? Demi plie tondue releve parallel breathe 6 7 and 8 and hold "

So my son says if a dancer read that phrase it wouldn't make sense. He demonstrates the moves and giggles. Well that is my point. For two hours a day I try and quickly follow the teacher who is using a language I have no understanding of. Everything is dependent on rhythm and timing. Eight count, four count, two count. My son watches the others , the mirror and me. He manages to keep up sometimes he needs a minute to just watch. What I learned from him is most professional interpreters can't manage this class. I have been signing with him for 12 years and have a personnel investment in our communication so it turns out this was a good way to go.

What is so crazy to me is he can keep up with the timing. I have to keep up as well and after a couple of days I get the rhythm. Sometimes I just count out the rhythm but he doesn't need it. I have learned the teachers meaning with her notes and can convey the message.

The side notes are crazy and the teacher doesn't present well framed concepts because she is thinking about what she is saying as she talks. She is filled with passion and works very free from that. She may change the direction of her thoughts if she works out a problem on the spot. She talks fast. I don't have the time to listen , pause and rework it into ASL. A lot of what she says is self fashioned idiom.

We had a guest teacher and again I need a bit of time to learn her message.

"And we 1 push, yada yada yada , battement, attitude, (" that is good little one" -off to another student)"

So my point. My son could be cut off from this class. He is not. As a community we work together. No big deal. I interpret (yes, interpret, if you are professional please understand the reality of the teachers financial limits, understand this is not a typical job. You need special background for it) , his teacher makes sure to correct his body by walking over and working him through it, his fellow students give him cues, he watches with deaf vision. It doesn't take much time to accommodate him. Not one student is effected in a negative way. He is getting so much from this class.

So yeah, I think he can dance. We never say we can't. We just try and see what happens.

I saw on Facebook a deaf performer was hired by Cirque De Soliel. Cheers to him! That is Haddy's dream. I bet this guy never says he can't. Haddy is begging me to go see him preform. He is such a Cirque addict but this is a double cool thing.

Open The Gate and Let Them IN

2010-08-10T15:49:00.000-07:00

I got a facebook message from an old student turned friend yesterday. She wants to become an interpreter. I am so excited because she is awesome! She started my class as a mom wanting to learn some baby sign for her son. That is how it begins. A mom and child come to my class just wanting to get some baby sign. I don't teach "Baby Sign". I teach a second language, Deaf culture and acceptance. My class is so weird to hearing people but not to all.

Off hand I can think of 5 people who have wanted to (in process) or became interpreters after meeting us. This friend wants advice and I was hoping you could help. She is really smart, fast to learn and the perfect candidate for a top notch elementary interpreter. Here is a bit of what she wrote,

"I have decided to go back to school and would like to parlay anything I study into ASL interpreting, perhaps at an elementary level. Can you, when you have time (impossible, right?) give me any thoughts, advice, random weirdness, on classes, marketability, helpful hints, pretty much anything that occurs to you? "

So my thinking is, anything that you offer can help! I love it when the gate opens and hearing and Deaf meet. I am going to email her my advice but please jump in

Mel

Communication

2010-08-06T13:18:00.000-07:00

My mom has never signed with my son. It would be easy to judge her. You may wonder why she never bothered to learn ASL. Well I can't judge her just as I can't control how my son feels about it.

When my son was born we were mourning the recent sudden lose of my father. My father would have been over the moon to meet Haddy. He would have made him handcrafted wooden toys and spent countless hours teaching him how to build wood Calkins Craft boats and the true art of fishing. Language would of never been a problem. The fact was my dad was dead and my son was Deaf.

My mom had a rough time. She was trying to be a fabulous grandma but her lose was so huge. She signed up for ASL classes. She couldn't gather the energy to go. Time passed slowly for her and her breast cancer came back. We lived far away and our journey was just a footnote to hers.

We recently found out she suffers from hydrocephalus. She has water on the brain. This has caused a rapid mental and physical decline. Such is life. She has lost her home, belongings and many friends. Her way of life has been stolen from her. She hasn't lost us however. We manage her daily affairs and look after her. We help her stay connected to those who stand by. We search for a place for her to live and recover.

She had surgery and may improve.

Today I saw a bit of hope.

My son came with me to visit her.

He is not happy to be assigned this task.

For me it is always a moment well spent, for him it is a confusing reminder that those we call family are not obligated to offer unconditional love.

We arrive and my mother, who has lived such a pained life, starts to sign. Her weakened mind and body can't offer perfect handshapes. Somehow over the years she has been trying to learn, trying to connect. She has been to shy to try. Now she has lost her dignity and with that is willing to try a handshape even if it is wrong.

As we leave I ask my kids what they think of her new home. My son tells me he likes it. It is not depressing like the countless other places she has resided in. He tells me he wants to visit her soon.

Random Deaf

2010-08-02T16:34:00.000-07:00

Someone told me it didn't matter if a hearing child learns to sign because they may never meet a deaf person in their life time. This seemed so odd to me on so many levels. The reason I am thinking about this is the other day just made this statement come back to me. I am never surprised at how often we meet people who sign, often at random times.

My mother is ill and staying at a skilled nursing facility. I visit often with my daughter but my son doesn't come often. My mother has never learned to sign. There are many reasons for why he doesn't visit a lot but that is one of them. When we found out he was deaf my husbands family all signed up for ASL classes. My mom made attempts but just couldn't get past "hi". The other day he asked to go visit her.

We were walking down the hall on the way to see her, the three of us signing. A woman walked up and in ASL asked if I was related to my mom. She was chatting away with me and it turns out she is deaf and volunteers at the facility. She gave me her contact info so she could help us get Haddy a volunteer opportunity in a local deaf nursing home. I have been meaning to check into this. Random.

We left and stopped by the library. I see someone waving off to my right. It is an interpreter friend. We stand signing even after my son walks off. Random.

So I was thinking this person who thought deaf people are rare doesn't realize how big the community is here. You can't tell if someone is deaf by looking at them but if you happen to be signing in public you will find there are deaf people and people who sign all over the city.

Just a random thought

Read my face

2010-07-31T09:02:00.000-07:00

When we were at Deaf Expo we really didn't have a list of must dos. We just went with the flow. There were two things though we wanted to do. The first was to have my son get the chance to meet Bernard Bragg.

On the first day we didn't see him. We had to fly out the second day so this was a disappointment. A friend texted me that night and wanted to know if we had met. She had told him we would be looking for him and was confused about why I didn't text her to help find him. Then it hit me. We had to at least try. The story of how we met him will follow. Right now I am thinking of something else.

I have been watching Bernard's DVD "Bragg on Bragg". Of course I ordered it as soon as we got home.

He talks about how some folks don't feel comfortable signing. How it takes a long time to learn. I agree and remember how we struggled at first. Then I discovered the gift of my face. He talks about this in his DVD. I would hope every hearing parent would buy it. I will respect him by not saying to much (BUY the DVD). I was so startled to see him talking about how just the facial expression can encourage a child. I hit pause and looked for my family.

I walked out to my family. I watched my son and husband. They took turns "talking". My husband would sign. My son was nodding and smiling. My son would sign, husband was making facial gestures, nodding, smiling. Bernard makes such an important point. My son's face is always moving. So is every member of my family's.

I remember how much we would make our language physical because we didn't know if our ASL was OK. Looking back I am so happy we were nervous. Now we can be comfortable with our facial grammar.

He talks about how we all sign different. We all learn based on how we are raised. He also sends the message that we are all "right".

So read my face,

I want to talk to you.

I want to be fair

2010-07-27T17:42:00.000-07:00

My last post caused a bit of a stir.

Well it should have. The one thing I really want to stress is my former boss really was shocked we were mad. This is really important. In my school's mind they thought they were doing this poor deaf girl (uh, she is past the age of forty) a big favor by hiring her. They were excited this person would work so hard and appreciate the opportunity. This is where they just didn't get it. To be fair, they don't get it. They really thought they were doing something good. BUT to be clear,

"this poor deaf girl"

Has traveled the world.

Is getting a college degree

Is smart

Strong

An artist

A gifted writer

Has been the the victim of paternalistic behavior for many years

"this poor deaf girl"

Has a vivid social life

Is great with kids

Works really hard

Makes me laugh with her great sense of humour

Doesn't speech read with 100% clarity and is very open about this

"this poor deaf girl"

Is not OK when you talk if front of her because you can and you love the privacy

Is very clear about how she communicates and has many ways to make it easy if .....you listen

Has never worked for such low wages but took the job because there was ASL at the job site.

"this poor deaf girl "

Is not a poor deaf girl.

She is a strong, interesting and intelligent woman

She happens to be Deaf

I remember

2010-07-26T18:58:00.000-07:00

When Obama was campaigning, I wanted my son to see a speech. I assumed my candidate would have captions. He didn't . Maybe today is a better day.

It bothers me when you sign......

2010-07-26T17:43:00.000-07:00

I debated about this post. It is very recent and personnel but since today is an important day for all people who have benefited from the ADA I just felt it was something I should post. I have edited out some details to protect people.

My son over the years has enjoyed the right to interpreters, a free and appropriate education and I hate to admit it cutting to the front of the line at Disneyland. About the cutting in line, please note I do not support that because he is deaf and perfectly able to wait like everyone else but he thinks it is grand.

Over the last twelve years I have also had to fight for his rights. Some fights I win and some I loose. My most recent stand was indirectly for my son and the jury is out on whether or not I won.

I posted earlier about my private preschool hiring a deaf teacher. It was a shock and I was so excited. The school seemed to support me interpreting for her at meetings and the parents loved how much their kids took off with the ASL. She was raised oral but only took the job because someone on staff could sign. It was my work place nirvana.

This is a long story so I will cut to the chase. We ended the year all very happy. I had a couple of weeks vacation and was scheduled to return full time for the summer program. The deaf teacher was to work during the break helping out around the school.

Somehow between the time I left for break and the time I was suppose to start things went wrong.

I was called to a meeting. I was told not to interpret for our deaf teacher. I was told she needed to learn to communicate with the rest of the staff using her oral skills. I was confused. I stated that she got exhausted after hours of speech reading. I was told she had been doing it all her life and it was good fo her. I stated that it was easy for me to interpret. I was told she needed to learn.

I was then told not to voice off sign with the children or the teacher. They were concerned people would think we are a "special needs" school. I stated that the parents loved the dual language environment. I was told the children would be confused when the went off to kindergarten and their teacher didn't use or care about ASL. I was told the children would most likely never meet or see a deaf person in their life. I stated the benefits of second language learning at a young age and the benefits of ASL for hearing children. I stated it was not a point if they met deaf people later in life.

There is much more to this story. Things that are so shocking to me but I will not share. I am just amazed when I realize people I spend a great deal of time with really want people like my son to take the role of disabled.

Again long story short. I texted the deaf teacher. We compared notes. She was told she was lucky to have parents who forced her to speak even though it caused her great pain which she had expressed to them. "You need to be grateful to your parents". She was told it bothered them when we signed. They thought she was grateful to get a job even though we both told them she was grateful to have someone at work who could sign. Again there is more....

We both quit.

I was later blamed for this. How could I do this to them. Not once was it mentioned what they did to us. A a parent of a Deaf child I had no choice.

Do you UbiDuo?

2010-07-24T11:14:00.000-07:00

So we found this communication device at DeafNation.

UbiDuo

I was wondering if anyone can give me some feedback. I was thinking it would be good for my son to use at school. Sometimes he wants a last minute meeting with a teacher or study time with friends. He often uses his text screen on his phone for this but the teachers are not good at texting and resort to paper. This would allow for real time conversation. One feature I like is he can later download the conversations to his computer. One drawback is it weighs six pounds. Any thoughts?

I am sorry I can't help you sell your technology

2010-07-23T15:59:00.000-07:00

I sometimes get emails from people wanting to advertise on my blog. I got another yesterday. The funny thing is it is always for hearing aids. I understand many people use them but my son threw his away at age nine! So my blog is not a good place for that.

So I feel it would be weird to make money advertising something that we don't use or have any connection to. It would feel like I was taking advantage of my son or sending a mixed message. I feel my blog should only advertise things I understand and use. There are things I would advertise.

DawnSignPress

For years I have always turned to them for awesome products. They are always friendly and quick to ship. I often order "100 Signs For Parents". I keep them in my purse to hand out and give them to my student's families. You can get an order of 50 for $20.

Marlton Charter School

This school was my son's only bi/bi program. He was three when he started and we moved a year and a half later. They don't advertise but they could use support through donations. They have two really awesome teachers you could contact to help. Stephanie Johnson and Richard Kendall are in my opinion people who made a huge impact on our lives and two of the best educators I know. The school demographic is poor but the families are invested.

Deaf West Theater

We were lucky to live close by and see some amazing productions. I would advertise them in a heartbeat.

Those are just a sample of what I would advertise on my blog but hearing technology just doesn't work. My son was walking though Deaf Expo and he said,

"Mom all these people are trying to make money selling me something to make my life easier. I don't need anything to do that"

To clarify, he does use a cell phone, VP and computer. We did find a cool tool at the Expo, UbiDuo, that we are checking out. What he was talking about is all of the company's set up to "support" deaf people baffles him. He loves all of the technology that makes his life easier but technology that makes folks more hearing is not on his radar.

So I will not be advertising hearing aids but I know there are a lot of folks with great blogs who can.

Wave your hands in the air

2010-07-23T06:58:00.000-07:00

I have been posting about our trip to DeafNation in Los Vegas. This story is helps illustrate how many people were there.

We were looking at a shopping mall in a fancy hotel and became very hungry. Food in Vegas is expensive so we were pleased to see a food court. It was packed but we managed to find a table. As we were eating my daughter looked around and noticed how many people were signing. She was so excited. She is used to being the only people signing in public. She started to count them. Then she made up a game. We were to wave are hands in the air every time we saw a deaf person. The same way deaf people applaud.

I am sure my seven year old looked funny applauding at our table. My son got up to get a bag for our leftover food and the man next to him turned to see my daughter with a big smile waving her hands. He waved back and questioned about what she was doing. I told him and he looked a bit confused. He was signing something I didn't understand. He then signs that he is from Argentina. He and a friend flew from Argentina for the Expo. Of course we struggled a bit to communicate because we were signing in two different languages but we managed pretty well.

As we were walking out we noticed this packed area was full of deaf people from all over the world. It is hard to explain how that felt. This public place was a sea of flying hands.

I will open comments but please....

2010-07-22T14:03:00.000-07:00

So it has come to my attention some folks want to post anonymous on my blog. In the past I have had a bit of trouble with this because the content of some of the comments were not appropriate for my son to read or just crazy enough to distract from the topic. I do want to hear from everyone who has an opinion.

I have changed my settings to allow this, please respect my son and our family by only using language that your mother would approve of. Remember this is public and if you make a fool of yourself by posting something crazy I will find a way to let your entire family know you are so prolific at low register thinking. This may include portrait tee shirts with text distributed to your local visitor information office.

Warmest regards

Haddy2dogs

How We got Our Pink Wrist Bands

2010-07-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

So Last Sunday we ventured out to Treasure Island hotel in Vegas to register for DeafNation Expo. We left our hotel and quickly realized 110 degrees was a bit taxing. Our plan was to take a bus down the strip to our destination.

We arrived at the bus stop with two deaf families. The ticket machine was designed to cause chaos and I suspect there was a hidden camera involved. We all tried to figure out the system as the machine randomly stole our money. everyone was hot and confused. Finally everyone had a ticket, the transit system had $27 extra and we were ready to go. The line was long but we all managed to squish on the bus. Once we got going I noticed hands flying everywhere. Nice. We managed to meet people from Florida, Canada, Washington and Kentucky in this short ride.

So the idea was people were to arrive the day before the Expo to get the pink wrist band. We entered the hotel and got directions at every turn with a simple "Expo where go?".

We got a bit confused but noticed the casino was full of deaf folks. I asked a group sitting in a large circle for directions. Turns out they were from our area and really friendly! We exchanged information for later and went up to register.

The elevator opened to a mass of people waiting in line. I knew we shouldn't have to wait because I registered online and was going to go ask for help but my son said," Mom let me do it, I sign better". This is his world and I love it.

They opened at 12:00 we arrived at 12:45. We were told they were already out of wrist bands! This seemed so awesome to me because it felt it was going to be huge. While we waited we met more people. It was crowded but there was a sense of excitement and the wait allowed for people to mingle. They took our forms and sent us away with key chains. We were to present them on Monday to get out coveted pink wrist bands.

We walked away and ran into a counselor from a family retreat we attended years ago. She was in charge of my daughter's group at the camp. We all loved her. She has since moved. We told her we don't go to the retreat anymore because it is CI focused now and that isn't our thing. She laughed and agreed.

It was the day before the Expo opened and we already having fun.

One Thing I Get...

2010-07-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

He does not belong to me.

The hardest thing I hear is my kid is special. At the Expo I am told he is different and needs to go....to that high school...to the program....to that place.. far from me.

I get that my son is special

I get that he signs with beautiful ASL

I get that he is different

but so I am I

Trust me with him

He is Deaf

I know he needs to move away fom us

Give us time

Party Time

2010-07-21T08:47:00.001-07:00

So Sunday we braved the hot weather and crowded bus to go to the opening party for DeafNation on Freemont street in Los Vegas. When we got to the bus tons of people were pushing to get on. I spotted someone signing on the top level and asked her if there were seats open up there. Without skipping a beat she looked around and told us that there were four seats left. Membership has it's privileges.

It was so different for us to be surrounded by deaf people. The hearing portion of the crowd was the minority and they all looked a bit confused. Haddy said he felt like he was on the "Truman Show". If you have seen the movie you will understand.

When we registered they gave us a pink wrist band. So if we saw someone with this we knew they were part of the expo. People were so friendly and it was easy to share information and meet people.

When the event started the lights above us showed a film made for the expo. Look above Haddy's head in the photo. We met folks from all over and most told Haddy he was lucky his mom signed. We would hear this over and over the next couple of days.

So it was an awesome start. It felt like a deaf city.

What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas...NOT

2010-07-20T20:27:00.000-07:00

So we just got back from DeafNation World Expo. Guess what.....it was AWESOME! If you can still jump on a plane and go, do it! I plan to share all that happened with us, nothing will stay in Vegas.

We landed in Los Vegas Saturday morning a day before the opening party. We checked in and planned to just play, waiting for things to gear up. Turns out we met deaf folks from all over who had the same idea. A lot of people came early. Some folks would just come up to us and start talking excited about what was to come. My son was over the moon seeing a city become deaf. He took over. Everywhere we went it was like a big family reunion. Hands were flying at every turn. Hearing people were caught off guard. We felt so at home. We felt so free.

I am off to download photos. I will post our visit as soon as I can get the photos organized.

See you in Vegas!

2010-07-13T15:06:00.000-07:00

Saturday we fly out to Vegas. We will be staying until Tues. We are going to Deaf Nation Expo.

We are so excited!

My son has a hearing friend who learned to sign after working in a theater company with him. This kid is amazing. Somehow he just picked up the language and plans to enroll in ASL classes when he enters college in the Fall. Well it turns out he may be in Vegas at the same time we are.

He told my son he would be nervous to be around so many Deaf people with his limited. skills. My son is trying to convince him it will be fine. In fact this friend will have my son to interpret for him. My son tells him there will be all sorts of people with different language skills. It struck me that this really cool strong hearing person is scarred to go.

It reminded me of the first time we went.

http://theotherdeafstory.blogspot.com/2009/10/chaplin-at-expo.html

How to order at a restaurant

2010-07-11T08:33:00.000-07:00

I was chatting with a deaf friend yesterday. She was raised oral and learned to sign when she was nineteen. She regrets her parents never used ASL and is impressed with how I raise my son. Somehow the conversation came to ordering from a fast food restaurant. I was laughing about how I some parents in the past had told me they wanted their children to be able to order from a fast food restaurant. This was always in reference to speech. My reply is I have never met a deaf person who can't order food but many who have trouble reading "War and Peace".

Then she tells me when she was young she would order a hamburger and end up with a chicken sandwich. Her speech skills were such that people couldn't understand her. I was startled. I told her how we have had Haddy order from restaurants from the age of three. She thought I should share this on my blog. So here it goes.

When we would go to a restaurant we would read the menu to him. When the waiter took out order he would point to what he wanted. At a fast food restaurant we would write a note for him and hand him the money. We taught him to look at the amount on the register. If we needed a to go box at a pizza place we sent him to get it. He would point to his ear and sign box. He never came back empty handed. This was how we did it until he could write then he was on his own. Often friends or relatives would want to jump in and help him. I stopped them and they were surprised at how well he did.

When we went grocery shopping we made a list for him with words and pictures. We gave him money and he paid himself. At the age of three the list maybe had five items. The hardest thing was explaining tax.

So there you go. He can order from a restaurant and read "War and Peace". He read it last year as a sixth grader. He tells me it was "OK".

Love Through a Window

2010-07-08T20:01:00.000-07:00

Over the last few days I have had some things happen that shocked me. Things that were so surreal I would pinch myself wondering if the world was really a great place.

Tonight I celebrate they world we live in. Tonight I celebrate my family.

Off topic, I am taking care of my sick mom's dog. She is super cute and friendly but a huge diva. I was sitting outside my house with the sweet diva on a leash waiting for her to poop and I heard a soft tap...tap ....tap at the front window. I turn around and see

My son 's head popped up, " Mom OK you?"

Me "yea dog sick waiting poop"

Son, "Sorry mom"

I sit and watch the sun set so slowly

Tap

Daughter "You what doing? Come in eat now"

Me "dog she sick maybe wait for poop"

Daughter " Hamster new, so cute touch I can?"

Me "No hamster he environment new need time"

Daughter " Oh I see OK Love you"

Me " laugh love you"

I sit and feel the breeze, stuck taking care of this poor dog. It is a 100 degrees I am busy with other crap. I give up control and realize this dog needs me.

Tap

Son and daughter acting out a funny skit to make me laugh. Behind the glass they act out this silly joke.

They sign " Love you mom"

I dare you to edit my English

We Never Landed In Holland

Well of course it isn't easy...

The School Bell Rings

Nothing Clever But Really Cool

I see What You Are Saying

Hold On Mom.....

Dear Mr. Shakespeare,

The Thing About Life

"So, Like, I Woke Up And Like"

Remember The Time....

There are folks in life I wish I knew- Alan Champion

That Really Humble Moment

I remember..... I will never get mad... I will make the world change for me....

Local Folks Check This Out!

Changed My Mind

Uh... Yea the Deaf kid...

Huh

Where do I Start? Scream Therapy?

In Defense Of The Arts

No Words From Me

A Walk Down Memory Lane

The Invisible IEP

Imagine- rated R for language

What Is Real?

A Tribe of Many Cultures

Angry Birds and Ipods

This May Seem Strange

Free Hearing Aids

Music To My Eyes?

A Simple Question ...

Hearing Loss

A Very Loud Awakening

How Much Language Do We Allow?

Location, Location, Location

Hearing Parents Need Support

We Use ASL

Mainstreaming and Oven Fires

Deaf Discount

Just Kidding

Mom, I Miss Deaf Culture

My Travels Through The Aging Mind

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part Three

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part Two

Sit Down You're Rockin' The Boat- Part One

On Turning Thirteen

Fire!

OUR COMMUNITY ROCKS! *oops sorry that was my outside voice*

Hearing in Pairs

No I Am Not Italian My Son Is Deaf

A New Language Emerges

IEP= Tired

Public Accommodation Does Not Apply To Pac-Man

Deaf and Death

Who is punching my kid?

Administration ...... grrrr...Or Yea?

Let It Slide Right Under The Bar

Don't take my word for it

Here Are My Shoes

A Place For State Schools

Did You Really Just Say That?

A Teacher At WSD Changed My Son's Life

I Need Some Information About Interpreting

Thats How We roll

WSD- Another Mom's Opinion

Charlie Chaplin Saves Halloween

From Deaf School To Mainstream

WSD is in crisis

Audiogram- Holy Grail

I Made A Mistake

My Son Is Too Deaf For A Deaf Contest

More Random deaf

IEP VS 504

The Last Gasp

Exciting

The First Day Of School

Advice From A Bad Parent

Sure My Son, You Can Join The Circus

Recommended Reading For Our Deaf Kids

In Defense Of Facebook For Learning English

"DUDE, please become an interpreter"

OUR COMMUNITY ROCKS! oops sorry that was my outside voice